I’m setting up a parenting plan for my newborn. What’s worked for you all? What did you leave out that you wish you’d put in? I’m the primary parent, and the dad doesn’t live with us. I know it’ll change as the baby gets older, but I want to know the best way to start this plan now.
Having a flexible plan that updates as the child grows can save you from going back to court constantly.
Who’s going to decide the school zone address?
I set mine up when my kid was one, but we made sure to include school years, too, so we don’t have to keep going back to court.
Some points I added were pick-up spots, specific time limits for pickups (or the visit gets canceled), and making sure there’s always a proper car seat.
Another tip: list out the plan in age ranges like 0-1, 1-5, and 5-18. Also, if you weren’t married, maybe look into a residential schedule instead of custody.
@Wray
Can you share some things that needed proof? Wondering if there’s anything specific I should gather for my case.
Raven said:
@Wray
Can you share some things that needed proof? Wondering if there’s anything specific I should gather for my case.
I needed proof for alcohol issues, so he couldn’t have the child at his place. There was a lot online to back it up. Also, his house had been reported for unsanitary conditions, which helped my case.
Must have appropriate car seat.
That’s actually unnecessary because, legally, you can deny visitation if they don’t have the right car seat in every state.
Steve said:
@Wray
Must have appropriate car seat.
That’s actually unnecessary because, legally, you can deny visitation if they don’t have the right car seat in every state.
Some cops don’t always enforce car seat laws. I know someone who’s had multiple accidents with a 3-year-old in a booster seat, which isn’t legal. I included it for peace of mind.
Steve said:
@Wray
Must have appropriate car seat.
That’s actually unnecessary because, legally, you can deny visitation if they don’t have the right car seat in every state.
My ex has a drinking problem, so I’m adding no drinking during visits. If he shows up smelling like alcohol, the visit’s canceled.
If he shows up smelling like alcohol, the visit’s canceled.
That wording won’t fly. A judge won’t let you be the one deciding if he’s fit to parent. You might want to ask for a breathalyzer requirement, but you’d likely need to cover the cost since you’re requesting it.
Also, any rules you set for him will apply to you too. Courts tend to treat both parents equally in these matters.
@Steve
Yeah, I understand it wouldn’t be said like that in court. I’m just venting here. He’d been sober for 14 years when we met, so I had no idea he had issues. I don’t drink, so it’s no problem for me.
We can’t communicate directly because of a restraining order. He hasn’t even met our baby yet (1 month old). I plan on using a court-approved app to communicate. Is that something I can ask the judge to set up?
@Lennon
Yes, absolutely. It’s very common. In Connecticut, courts suggest apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents. Is he working on sobriety at all?
Steve said:
@Lennon
Yes, absolutely. It’s very common. In Connecticut, courts suggest apps like OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents. Is he working on sobriety at all?
He’s court-mandated to attend AA and therapy. I hope he’s serious, but there’s no way to know yet. Just want to make sure he’s ready before he meets our child.
@Lennon
Completely understand. The court won’t be sympathetic to emotional appeals, unfortunately. They care about facts, so it’s important to lay everything out logically.
As for sobriety, you could request a substance abuse evaluation. It’s a common step, and it could help establish his current situation. If he’s serious, he’ll follow through on treatment plans.
One suggestion: frame it as supporting his path to becoming a more involved, stable parent. You want him to be the best dad possible, but you need to be sure he’s ready for it. A gradual, step-up visitation plan could be a good start, so it starts with supervised visits and grows as he stays on track.
@Steve
Thank you for that advice. 
Lennon said:
@Steve
Thank you for that advice.
You’re welcome. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Just keep moving forward one step at a time. Always focus on what’s best for your child, no matter what.
As the years go by, there’ll be toddler issues, school issues, teen issues. Just remember to keep things about the child and not about the conflicts with your ex.
@Lennon
Unless his past criminal record has anything involving children, the court isn’t likely to give it much weight. You have to be careful with that.