Beginning the Divorce Process

Hello, I’m just starting the divorce process after 11 years together. She is the one who requested this. We have built a good life with several businesses together. She wants to wait until the accounting for the business is complete before filing. I feel like she is taking advantage of my high-paying job since her business is a startup and isn’t paying her anything right now. We are living separately but still share accounts. My question is, can I open a new bank account and have my paycheck directly deposited into that account right away, or should I wait until we file? In the meantime, she has full access to our Amazon and Target accounts.

I can guarantee that she has been saving for her future for a while. Many women plan for a divorce long before the husband even realizes it. She has likely been given advice from an attorney on how to take advantage of you. Start looking through your finances to find any missing money that she might have taken. You shouldn’t trust everything she says; it’s all about the money now.

The marriage seems over, and it’s time to protect yourself and your financial future.

I’m not a lawyer, but if she hasn’t filed yet, you can have your paycheck sent to any account you want.

I’m not your lawyer, and this is not legal advice. The process will take some time. You should start it now, as it will likely take a while unless you both agree on things. Waiting for the accounting makes no sense because there will always be another financial period to consider.

If you live in a community property state, you need to file and serve papers to end the community property.

Yes, you definitely should. You need to separate your finances from each other right now. This situation is clearly benefiting her financially, and sharing accounts makes the divorce process more complicated. You have to wait a year after separation to file, so it’s best to sort out the assets now and then file for divorce on the anniversary of your separation. Here’s what you should do:

  • Start a legal separation through a lawyer and get advice on what to do with the joint accounts.
  • Open a new bank account.
  • Have your paycheck directly deposited into the new account.
  • Change your Superannuation beneficiary (you’ll need to mail in the form).
  • Cancel any life insurance policies for her and change the beneficiary on yours if you have one.
  • Remove her from your Medicare card and close any joint accounts, even things like Netflix.
  • Important: Once the divorce is final, make a will right away. If you don’t and something happens, she could still claim part of your estate. This is important if you start a new relationship, have kids, or if something happens to you without a will.

You need to see a lawyer immediately. Each state has different laws.

Don’t assume she has bad intentions or is trying to take advantage of you. But be prepared in case she is. It seems you are not legally separated, so there are no set rules for how everything should be handled. Use common sense and try to be fair. A divorce is about untangling your lives together. You can start that process now. If you want to go through with the divorce, get started. If you want to try to stay together, ask her how she feels. Coming back from a separation is tough, but it can be done. A divorce is a sure thing, but it also takes a lot of work. My advice is to make a decision and start moving forward. Letting things drag on causes more problems and issues.

Some of these comments are crazy. I would get a lawyer and file right away. Don’t wait for the accounting to finish; that sounds like a trick. One of the first steps is a Financial Declaration from both of you, where you list everything. The businesses will need to be evaluated, and then your lawyers will negotiate whether to buy each other out or sell them so you can cash out. The marital home and bank accounts are part of the total estate. Cutting her off won’t really help legally; it will only make her more upset. This is no longer a relationship; it’s a business arrangement. Do everything legally and listen to your lawyer.

There is a difference between filing and finalizing the divorce. Timing the finalization for accounting reasons makes sense. We waited a month to finalize our divorce for that reason. However, there’s no reason to wait to file. Filing for divorce won’t affect your finances and will get the process going. If you two change your minds, you can withdraw it. Filing shows the court your intention to divorce. After filing, all financial transactions must be shared as part of the divorce process. If she starts spending money unnecessarily, you can show that to the court, and they will take action. Also, when you file, you can request a temporary order from the court to set limits on spending. The court is familiar with protecting against marital waste, but you have to file first. If you wait six months to file and she spends a lot of money in that time, it will weaken your case for recovering those funds. The court expects you both to have enough money to maintain a reasonable lifestyle during the divorce. If you try to take control and limit her access to your joint funds, you could face consequences. It’s better to let the court handle any limitations on spending. File now and get those protections in place, and you can wait a while before finalizing the divorce.

Everything will come out during the divorce process. Don’t try to hide assets; it will just complicate things. Split things fairly.

Cade said:
Everything will come out during the divorce process. Don’t try to hide assets; it will just complicate things. Split things fairly.

That’s true about eventual transparency on both sides. But I don’t think opening a new account and moving your paycheck there is wrong. Just transfer money for bills as needed to the joint account and keep careful records of every transfer. I did this right after separating, and it wasn’t an issue later. I’m not a lawyer, so maybe it could be if challenged.

This is why I never shared anything with my soon-to-be ex-husband. Besides not wanting complications with joint accounts, he never managed his own money. His parents still pay all his bills and give him money to spend each week. After we got married, his mom tried to demand that I give her all my personal information and documents. I refused, and she called my mom but got nowhere. She felt entitled because I was her son’s wife. I didn’t give in, and he became verbally and mentally abusive, which led us to divorce. The only good thing is that we have no assets to split since everything was kept separate.

@Keenan
Wow, seriously? What right does his mom think she has to force you to give her your private information and documents? And your husband took her side? How would he feel if your mom asked for the same info? I’d want a divorce too; that’s insane! Did his mom ever say what she wanted to do with that information? That’s just strange. I hope everything goes well for you.

@Davi
His mom just likes to control everything. She wanted to control every part of my life like she does with her son. I wouldn’t give in, and I was treated poorly for it.

You mention having multiple businesses together, but then say she is taking advantage of your high-paying job while her business is a startup. I wonder why she wants a divorce. You need to get a lawyer right away.

@Milo
Yep. This guy seems to be a greedy loser.

Stop the money flow.

Don’t do anything on her timeline. She asked for a divorce. Talk to the best lawyers nearby. You should have never had your paycheck deposited into a joint account. Move it now and stop funding her startup.