My husband is in the military and we live in South Carolina with 3 kids and 3 dogs. I do almost all of the childcare and 99% of the care of the house and dogs. I’m extremely overwhelmed and burnt out. I don’t have many friends and none I know well enough to trust watching my kids in order to get a break. I want to go to Michigan for a few weeks to get help with my kids and let my kids spend time with my family. I would consider my husband to be emotionally and mentally abusive. He always has an issue whenever I try to see my family and always tries to make me feel guilty about wanting to go visit. I plan to just leave and visit and do plan on coming back. Can he accuse me of parental kidnapping?
You should definitely contact his Chief and tell them what is going on in your household. Mention the pets as well, he might take his anger out on them.
It sounds like he is trying to cut you off from any support group. That is a huge red flag. Just tell him you’re taking the kids to visit their grandparents. That’s a completely reasonable statement.
He is controlling, which is abusive. You should just go visit your family. It’s time to decide whether you want to let him continue to be abusive.
No, in an intact marriage, you both have equal rights to the children. It’s not kidnapping. He could file for divorce when you’re gone and have you served in Michigan, but that’s different.
Finch said:
No, in an intact marriage, you both have equal rights to the children. It’s not kidnapping. He could file for divorce when you’re gone and have you served in Michigan, but that’s different.
If that were to happen, would I be required to move back? I wouldn’t have anywhere to go since we’d have to live separately to get a divorce.
In South Carolina, you are required to live separately for a year for a no-fault divorce. However, you can seek child support and maintenance during that time. I recommend consulting with a couple of family law attorneys to find out your options.
The courts in SC would have jurisdiction. If the kids are older, the courts might rule they should remain in their current schools. It could be complicated by the father’s role in the military.
If there isn’t a custody order in place, you can take your kids anywhere in the country, married or not. He can raise a fuss but ultimately you are fine to go.
You should definitely consult with JAG, they provide many free services for military spouses. A private talk with the head of the family support group might help smooth things out.
You have access to JAG, use it before he does. They will only represent one side and give advice but not to both of you.
Given that he made threats, you should consult an attorney who specializes in family law. Most attorneys offer a free initial consultation, so it might be worth talking to one about your situation.
You can go to Michigan and take your kids. Just make sure you document everything. Since you are married, this is not kidnapping. You have every right to visit family.
You can travel with your kids. No custody agreement means you are not breaking any laws. When you arrive, start thinking of a plan to leave him.