My bonus child’s mom has a new partner and they’ve been dating for six months, got engaged two weeks ago, and are getting married at the courthouse next week. My significant other (the father of the child) received a phone call from this man stating, “I’m getting full custody and I’m going to bleed you dry of money,” followed by, “just sign over him to me and we won’t make you pay any child support for full custody.” We have no court orders and typically have him from Thursday night through Sunday night. We pay $600 a month covering his childcare. We’ve never even met this man. Please help with legal actions and steps we should take. Ideally, we would love joint custody because we believe the child needs both parents. We’re now anxious after these threats of full custody. Help needed, especially since we live in Virginia.
Do not have any more phone or in-person conversations with either the mom or her new partner. Communicate only through text or email to document any further issues (which could be presented to the judge).
@Lei
Pickup is coming up soon after the call we received. I’ll be recording the phone in case anything is said or things turn south.
Was your fiancé never married to the child’s mother? Do keep records of the $600 payments he’s been making. He needs to get a lawyer ASAP to establish his rights and secure custody.
Rex said:
Was your fiancé never married to the child’s mother? Do keep records of the $600 payments he’s been making. He needs to get a lawyer ASAP to establish his rights and secure custody.
He has direct-deposited from his account to hers, so it’s been logged and printed. Correct, they were never married. We’re going to the courthouse tomorrow to file for 50/50 custody as the first step.
@Finnley
Your fiancé should urgently see a lawyer. He might need to file for full custody.
Is your significant other listed on the child’s birth certificate?
Sam said:
Is your significant other listed on the child’s birth certificate?
Yes.
Why are you referring to the father of the child in quotes? Does that mean the child is your stepchild?
Rex said:
Why are you referring to the father of the child in quotes? Does that mean the child is your stepchild?
I described him that way because I’m currently pregnant, and we’ve been together for three years, just not married yet.
What is your current custody order through the courts? You need to get a lawyer ASAP, preferably record any discussions that happen next.
Zander said:
What is your current custody order through the courts? You need to get a lawyer ASAP, preferably record any discussions that happen next.
There are no current support or custody agreements.
@Finnley
? You really need to establish one. It’s the responsible thing to do for your child and unfair to them to have none.
@Finnley
Why not? 
JennyDeepman said:
@Finnley
Why not?
I see this a lot in this subreddit. It really is puzzling.
@Finnley
You need to get a lawyer and start custody proceedings. NOW.
The father of the child must obtain a good attorney right away and file for custody. Child support is determined based on the income of both households—her new husband’s income might be considered as well.
Meanwhile, continue doing what your fiancé is currently doing.
@Zev
Her new husband’s income cannot be used for child support.
Kirby said:
@Zev
Her new husband’s income cannot be used for child support.
I completely agree. The new spouse has zero legal obligation to support a child that he didn’t father or legally adopt.
@Skyler
They may consider the financial contribution he makes to the household in certain situations when determining things.