Co Parent keeping my child away from me

Family Law Child Custody
1

I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

2

File with the court for parental alienation and failure to follow the custody and visitation order. Keep all the texts where you’ve tried to see your daughter. This shows you’re making an effort, and she’s not letting you. I’m not a lawyer, but I’ve seen people take this approach before.

3

Next time, serve her in person. She can’t deny who you are to her. She’s trying to exploit a loophole here.

4

Kingsley said:
Next time, serve her in person. She can’t deny who you are to her. She’s trying to exploit a loophole here.

Unfortunately, where I live, someone outside the case has to serve the papers unless both sides agree to handle it themselves. If I need to serve her again, I plan on having the sheriff do it.

5

Reed said:

Kingsley said:
Next time, serve her in person. She can’t deny who you are to her. She’s trying to exploit a loophole here.

Unfortunately, where I live, someone outside the case has to serve the papers unless both sides agree to handle it themselves. If I need to serve her again, I plan on having the sheriff do it.

That’s a smart move. She wouldn’t be able to dodge the sheriff.

6

While you’re at the courthouse checking the file, you could also file for contempt and get a court date to address both the service issue (if she filed anything) and her non-compliance with the order. Here’s a resource that might help: https://www.courts.oregon.gov/courts/lane/programs-services/Documents/[PACKET]LAN-Contempt_of_Court.pdf

7

Hale said:

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

You should file a petition for the violation and suggest doing exchanges at a neutral location, like a police station. Do you have a lawyer?

When I texted her earlier about the exchange, I suggested meeting in a public place. I’m not represented by a lawyer right now because I can’t afford one. I’m looking into legal aid. I was hoping to avoid a hearing, but I’ve been documenting everything just in case.

8

Macon said:
It’s really sad that a father who wants to be involved is being kept from seeing his child. Smh.

Yeah, it’s tough because I don’t even understand what she’s trying to accomplish. She didn’t ask for child support or anything—I voluntarily put myself on it so I could have legal visitation. When she started denying me access, she said it was to “hold me accountable as a parent,” yet she won’t even let me be one. I even tried to work with her to fill out the paperwork together to get something official in place, and she refused. I think it’s a control thing at this point because I can’t see what she or my daughter gain from this.

9

Reed said:

Macon said:
It’s really sad that a father who wants to be involved is being kept from seeing his child. Smh.

Yeah, it’s tough because I don’t even understand what she’s trying to accomplish. She didn’t ask for child support or anything—I voluntarily put myself on it so I could have legal visitation. When she started denying me access, she said it was to “hold me accountable as a parent,” yet she won’t even let me be one. I even tried to work with her to fill out the paperwork together to get something official in place, and she refused. I think it’s a control thing at this point because I can’t see what she or my daughter gain from this.

It definitely sounds like a control issue. She didn’t put you on child support because then she’d be forced to give you visitation rights. Maybe her new boyfriend doesn’t want you around.

10

Macon said:

Reed said:
Macon said:
It’s really sad that a father who wants to be involved is being kept from seeing his child. Smh.

Yeah, it’s tough because I don’t even understand what she’s trying to accomplish. She didn’t ask for child support or anything—I voluntarily put myself on it so I could have legal visitation. When she started denying me access, she said it was to “hold me accountable as a parent,” yet she won’t even let me be one. I even tried to work with her to fill out the paperwork together to get something official in place, and she refused. I think it’s a control thing at this point because I can’t see what she or my daughter gain from this.

It definitely sounds like a control issue. She didn’t put you on child support because then she’d be forced to give you visitation rights. Maybe her new boyfriend doesn’t want you around.

She’s actually pregnant, and they’ve been together for almost two years, I think. I’m wondering if the new baby is affecting things. The boyfriend and I never had any issues, though we don’t interact much.

11

Reed said:

Macon said:
Reed said:
Macon said:
It’s really sad that a father who wants to be involved is being kept from seeing his child. Smh.

Yeah, it’s tough because I don’t even understand what she’s trying to accomplish. She didn’t ask for child support or anything—I voluntarily put myself on it so I could have legal visitation. When she started denying me access, she said it was to “hold me accountable as a parent,” yet she won’t even let me be one. I even tried to work with her to fill out the paperwork together to get something official in place, and she refused. I think it’s a control thing at this point because I can’t see what she or my daughter gain from this.

It definitely sounds like a control issue. She didn’t put you on child support because then she’d be forced to give you visitation rights. Maybe her new boyfriend doesn’t want you around.

She’s actually pregnant, and they’ve been together for almost two years, I think. I’m wondering if the new baby is affecting things. The boyfriend and I never had any issues, though we don’t interact much.

Wow, that complicates things. I hope you can get it sorted out.

12

Macon said:
It’s really sad that a father who wants to be involved is being kept from seeing his child. Smh.

I agree. Judge Judy often says that children benefit from being surrounded by as many people who love them as possible. Fathers should be a big part of that circle unless there’s abuse or something. OP, you’re doing the right thing. Surround your daughter with love and show her that you’ll always be there for her. Good luck!

13

Hero said:

Macon said:
It’s really sad that a father who wants to be involved is being kept from seeing his child. Smh.

I agree. Judge Judy often says that children benefit from being surrounded by as many people who love them as possible. Fathers should be a big part of that circle unless there’s abuse or something. OP, you’re doing the right thing. Surround your daughter with love and show her that you’ll always be there for her. Good luck!

Judge Judy? Really? I agree with the sentiment, but I’m pretty sure people figured that out long before she did.

14

Toryn said:
Keep us updated.

I will update after going to the courthouse on Monday. The online case record still shows it’s closed with nothing new filed.

15

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

Update us!

16

Tate said:

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

Update us!

I’ll update after I check with the courthouse on Monday. I’ll also respond to more comments tomorrow.

17

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

Whatever you do, don’t lose your cool. If you get angry or yell, it could be used against you in court, even if it’s not fair. The same applies to her. If she loses it, it can hurt her case. Document everything and, if you can legally record, do that too.

18

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

Did you get served with her motion?

19

Mai said:

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

Did you get served with her motion?

Nope, I haven’t received anything yet. If she did file, it would’ve been on Friday. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to check.

20

Reed said:
I’m not really sure what to do here.

Basically, I have a 2-year-old daughter with my ex. We were on semi-good terms, and I was seeing my daughter pretty regularly until mid-July when she suddenly decided I couldn’t see her without a custody agreement in place.

So, I did what I had to do. At the end of July, I filed the paperwork, including a request for temporary relief. In early August, she was served via substitute service since she wouldn’t answer the door. The papers were handed to her boyfriend, and I also mailed a second copy directly to her.

She never responded to the court, and after the 31-day period passed, I filed for default. This week, the court signed off on the judgment, and I was notified that the custody and visitation order was granted. I called the court to confirm everything.

Today was supposed to be the first day I could see my daughter under the new agreement. I texted her on Thursday to let her know the judgment had passed and that I’d be coming on Saturday. I texted her again today to confirm. Now she’s claiming she filed a motion to quash the service, saying I didn’t serve her correctly, and because of that, she doesn’t have to follow the court order. If she did file anything, it would’ve been yesterday, well past the 31-day window.

Can she even do this? From what I understand, even if she filed to appeal, the temporary order would still stand until a hearing. I’m going to the courthouse on Monday to file for enforcement and check if she’s really filed anything. I’m just looking for advice or if there’s anything else I should know in the meantime.

You should file a petition for the violation and suggest doing exchanges at a neutral location, like a police station. Do you have a lawyer?