Divorce has been pending and going nowhere for over a year, and alimony was put in place right at the onset after being previously denied. My wife’s boyfriend is paying for her attorney. They live together and present as a couple. She doesn’t work, and he owns the home, put her in a nice vehicle, and gives her free access to his accounts, etc. This has been the case for well over a year. Would this merit evaluation as a defacto spouse, and would an end to alimony be potentially possible? (No children under 18.)
I doubt the courts would care about any of that. There’s no box to check for ‘boyfriend is paying for everything.’
What does her having a BF now have to do with your ongoing divorce proceedings? What’s the holdup? Arguing about everything? Not happy she’s getting 50% after raising a family together? Was she a SAHM during your marriage? Lots of missing information. My BIL spent more money paying legal fees being petty about nonsense.
@Oli
Missing info is because it’s not relevant. And no, she’s not getting 50% of anything at this point—just a temporary alimony order. No, she worked here and there. Had her own shop for a while but lost it after separation because she was never open, and the landlord terminated her lease after complaints from adjacent businesses about hearing her have sex in the business. When she left the marital home, she abandoned her minor child (now grown) and literally emptied the house while the husband and daughter were out of town for a day. How much detail is actually relevant? This isn’t a bitter husband/innocent devoted wife story. This is a devoted husband, father, addicted, histrionic wife story.
@Unclewaffl3s
That’s very different. She’s been collecting temporary alimony since abandoning her minor children decades ago. Both parties refused to go through a divorce? And you’re just an innocent helpful bystander?
@Oli
No. I didn’t give time frames on when she ran off. I did say preliminary alimony has been in place for a little over a year. She ran off 3 years ago. The divorce petition was filed over a year ago and is still pending in the courts. And yes—I am neither the husband nor the wife. Nor is either party my boyfriend/girlfriend. Not that any of that is relevant.
Not a Virginia attorney. This is just my 2 cents. Before you do anything, consult with your attorney. I have not read the case law; this is just based on how I would interpret Virginia Code 20-109(A). “in a relationship analogous to a marriage for one year or more” and “clear and convincing” are the answer. What would most people think are analogous to a marriage? Case law would say what factors are most compelling, such as co-mingled assets, children together, etc. Discuss it with your attorney and, if it is worth pursuing, have them decide how to obtain the evidence. Clear and convincing means you actually have to prove it; it just isn’t as severe as a criminal court trial in terms of burden of proof.
Discuss these facts with your lawyer and act as they instruct.
Rory said:
Discuss these facts with your lawyer and act as they instruct.
That’s a given. Was hoping for info to take into that discussion. Another individual shared VA code related to the question, so I believe there is a possibility—which is what was asked.
@Unclewaffl3s
Generally, cohabitation under the facts as you present them can lower or terminate alimony payments. Each state may be different, which is why you need your local counsel.
What you know to be her situation and what you can prove to a court are two different things.
Shaye said:
What you know to be her situation and what you can prove to a court are two different things.
She admitted in the initial hearing that he is her boyfriend. Now it’s been over a year later, so it shouldn’t be hard to prove.
@Unclewaffl3s
Legal proof is different. She can have a boyfriend. You’ll need to get access to their financials and perhaps even hire a PI to document all this. Boyfriends are not husbands, and they can take back much of the stuff they’ve loaned (such as use of a car without transferring title). The fact that the boyfriend is paying her legal bills, though, will be easy to show in court (he can be asked to testify) and may be of interest to the court. I don’t know VA law, but where I live, this still wouldn’t be enough to show that she had a common law or de facto spouse.
@Joss
Definitely not common law as VA doesn’t recognize such. Not sure what the legal definition of defacto spouse is. May warrant further research.
Unclewaffl3s said:
@Joss
Definitely not common law as VA doesn’t recognize such. Not sure what the legal definition of defacto spouse is. May warrant further research.
Well, if VA doesn’t legally recognize common law marriage, then they probably don’t care about her sugar daddy arrangement. You very well may be screwed, my dude.
Did I miss the part explaining why the soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t work?
Dev said:
Did I miss the part explaining why the soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t work?
She doesn’t need to work because her needs are met even without the alimony. So she hasn’t tried to work for many years.
@Unclewaffl3s
So, her goal in life is to just find men to mooch off of?
Dev said:
@Unclewaffl3s
So, her goal in life is to just find men to mooch off of?
I don’t know her life goals, but she does have a professionally diagnosed cluster B personality disorder and chooses not to utilize available remedies—which is her legal choice. That impacts her ability to function in society the way most do. That said, she does tend to move from one partner to the next. She has, however, trapped herself with her current partner. If she leaves him, he won’t continue paying for her attorney. And she knows that. Luckily for her, he seems to genuinely care about her. He also believes every lie she tells him.
You may need a private investigator.