I’m a dad of two teens from my previous marriage, plus two younger kids with my wife. My oldest, Joe, has had behavior issues since we got full custody of him four years ago. His issues have gotten serious lately: he’s skipped classes, made threats, used offensive language, and even had a risky online encounter.
Recently, Joe’s new girlfriend told a school counselor that I’ve been abusive, which has led to a DHS investigation. When we looked through his texts, we found he’d made up stories to her, including threats he and a friend made towards our younger kids. We’re now really concerned about safety and wondering how to best handle this.
How can we protect our family? And is there any way to prevent this from happening again? What might happen to Joe if he’s lying to DHS?
Has Joe ever been given a thorough mental health evaluation? If he’s becoming a risk to others or himself, a children’s hospital may be able to help with an involuntary hold. It sounds like this goes beyond typical behavior problems.
Rain said: @Aza
You could have just said, ‘I’ve never physically harmed him in any way,’ unless physical punishment is part of it?
You’re right… I did push him away once when he tried to get physical with me over a phone. But I’ve never hurt him physically. Guess I could’ve worded it better.
Honestly, I think Joe’s issue is that he hasn’t faced consequences that help him understand his actions. This isn’t about abuse; it’s about setting boundaries.
Get cameras inside your house, except in his bedroom and bathroom. From now on, avoid being alone with him.
This happened to us with my stepson (not to the same extent). We set up cameras and I always avoid being alone with him. I’m even cautious in the car. I’m expecting a child soon and need to protect myself and my own family.
In our case, the investigation was closed the day it opened because it was clear we weren’t the issue.
Has he ever had a psychological assessment? It sounds like he might be manipulating the situation. This reminds me of my niece, who was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
You’ll need some proof. Get him to admit things in writing or through a recording if you’re in a one-party consent state. If not, make it clear he’s aware of cameras by posting signs.
You might be able to file for a CHINS (Child in Need of Supervision). The more proof you have, the better it’ll be for you if you’re the one being threatened.
@Kingsley
Would it make a difference if Joe just told the truth and admitted he made up the story to get sympathy from his girlfriend?
He’s lied about other things too, like saying I did things his ex-stepdad actually did to him. Plus, he’s got a record of threats and aggressive behavior.
@Aza
I’m not a lawyer, so I’d advise speaking to one who understands the law in your area. From my own experience dealing with similar situations, evidence can really make a difference. I’d recommend getting legal support to navigate this.
It’s tough to go through, especially with the manipulation involved. Getting some form of proof and support might help protect everyone involved here.
Maybe text him and show you’re upset. Ask why he’d make up these lies when you’ve always tried to give him stability. Let him dig himself deeper in his replies; it could help prove his accusations are false.