I’m trying to understand if my child going to daycare could affect custody in any way.
I currently have sole legal custody and nearly full physical custody, with my child’s father only having a few hours on alternate Saturdays due to previous domestic violence and child endangerment issues. My child is a toddler with developmental delays, and daycare has been recommended by both her pediatrician and therapist as it helps her social and cognitive growth. Since starting daycare, she has shown improvements in her skills and overall health. Her therapist even coordinates with the daycare staff to work on her needs.
The issue is, my child used to get sick a lot, especially when she was younger, and though it’s less frequent now, her father is trying to use this to argue against daycare. He has requested that his mother take care of her instead, saying daycare makes her sick. But her medical history shows she had health issues before daycare.
There are concerns with the grandmother’s home as well—it was previously deemed unsafe by a court-appointed expert due to hoarding. I’m not sure if that’s been addressed, and I feel daycare is far safer and better suited to her needs.
Would the court see daycare as an issue, even with medical recommendations supporting it? And how would they view the fact that the father wants his mother to watch her instead of daycare?
Make sure you and your lawyer have written documentation from the doctor and therapist recommending daycare. Courts generally won’t change a child’s routine unless it’s causing clear harm. The fact that your child was getting sick doesn’t mean daycare is to blame, especially if her doctors can explain her history and how daycare benefits her. And given that the father only has some Saturdays, he doesn’t have much say here anyway.
@Reese
Our court order requires me to log any doctor’s appointments through a parenting app, so they’re aware of her health issues. They often blame me for her sickness during hearings, but her ENT doctor confirmed her enlarged tonsils and narrow airways could make her more prone to getting sick. She’s had ear tube surgeries for infections, and tonsil removal is suggested as she gets older. I’ve sought second opinions and am following all the doctor’s recommendations.
In the last six months, she hasn’t had anything serious except some issues after visits with her father. I plan to ask the court for a food diary exchange to track what she eats. He doesn’t contribute to daycare costs and has no legal decision-making authority, so I hope that counts in my favor.
@Peyton
Right, so having that documentation will be key if this comes up. They’re unlikely to change her routine, and certainly won’t place her with the grandmother when her father barely has a few hours on Saturdays.
If she’s pulled from daycare, she could lose access to the therapy that doctors recommended. All the progress she’s made might be at risk. And if the grandmother is still hoarding, that won’t be in her best interest. Keep everything documented!
Haze said:
Daycare and right of first refusal aren’t the same. Daycare shouldn’t impact custody at all.
We don’t have right of first refusal in our custody agreement. I didn’t ask for it because my ex is abusive, and I worry it would give him more control. Plus, I’ve heard it’s hard to enforce. Open to thoughts on this, though.
Haze said:
Daycare and right of first refusal aren’t the same. Daycare shouldn’t impact custody at all.
And considering his limited custody, he’s just trying to cause trouble.
I wish his mother wasn’t involved. She supported his abuse, even helping him evade arrests and stopping me from calling the police when he assaulted me. Yet the judge seems to see her as a sweet, elderly woman.
Get the pediatrician and therapist’s recommendations in writing to present at the hearing. If you can, include documentation of the child’s development since starting daycare.
Reagan said:
Get the pediatrician and therapist’s recommendations in writing to present at the hearing. If you can, include documentation of the child’s development since starting daycare.
Her therapist is willing to testify. My child is in an early intervention program through the state due to significant developmental delays. The program has been tracking her progress for over a year, and she’s made steady gains. We’re all pleased with her improvement.
Honestly, it shouldn’t be relevant. Your ex has little say with current custody orders, and while he could petition, it’s unlikely to go anywhere. Kids get sick at daycare; it’s normal. Just keep all recommendations from doctors and therapists on hand, just in case.
This sounds more about control or possibly daycare costs and child support.
@Cleo
My husband’s after-school daycare usage was cited as a reason to reduce his custody during our trial. The judge said it was to keep the kids with their mother so they wouldn’t need daycare.
Really, anything can impact custody—it all depends on the judge.
@Asher
That’s a different scenario, though. In this case, OP has a doctor’s recommendation for daycare, and the father isn’t a fit parent. The judge is more likely to side with a medical opinion than with a parent who barely has access and has a record.
@Asher
I do worry this could happen, but since my ex isn’t asking for custody himself, I hope it’s less likely. He just wants to give our child to his mother, which feels absurd.
The judge ordered him to join therapy sessions to understand our child’s needs, but he hasn’t shown up once. If needed, I’d even consider stopping daycare to avoid issues, but the therapist strongly supports keeping her there. My child is learning from other kids and showing progress, especially with emotional skills. I’ve been working closely with the therapist and daycare to help her.
@Peyton
I don’t think you need to worry. Your ex is noncompliant, and his lack of involvement speaks volumes. Plus, you’re following all medical advice, which courts typically respect.
Your case is very different from others where both parents are actively involved and in good standing. Your ex has no decision-making authority, doesn’t attend therapy, and isn’t offering to watch your child himself.