I’m interested to hear what evidence was most effective in your Family/Custody/Offense cases. What moved the needle?
Conversely, what evidence did the Judge not seem to care about/respond to?
I’m interested in both the Petitioner and Respondent experience. Thanks.
In my experience, the most effective evidence coveted by the Court is that which comes on Reports from Government Agencies and third-parties who are considered “above reproach.” This includes Law Enforcement, Child Protective Services, Medical Professionals, and School Officials. Printed Transcripts of Court Proceedings can also be helpful if there are Violations of Bench Directives in addition to any previous Court Orders.
Our Judge refused to respond to any evidence that I attempted to provide in Court after my Attorney failed to submit it. This included Records from the Agencies and Individuals considered “above reproach.” I’ve also yet to be allowed to play Recorded Audio and Video of conversations between me/my children and me/my ex in Court. My last Judge also refused text records at my ex’s request after she falsely claimed they could be edited.
What’s moved the needle in my Proceedings has been the conduct of the Attorney assigned for the Children (AFC) and the Judges in addition to the Case Neglect from my Assigned Attorneys. Both the Judges and AFC have shown an extreme bias; the AFC perjured herself repeatedly, ignored Violations of Orders and Directives, made excuses for neglect, endangerment, and abuse, and failed to contact CPS as Mandated Reporters. Court closing for over a year during Covid did not help matters; neither did the Virtual nature of the Trial subsequently held when Court reopened. Judges also do not appreciate it when you call out their misconduct or that of the AFC.
In proving a cluster B personality disorder, it’s a game of meticulous documentation over a very long period and proving without any doubt you are healthy. Over 2 years and 350 pages of declarations and requests for order later, an evaluation has been ordered. They weren’t necessarily for the judge. But machine-gunning the judge with everything that points to the issue forced the judge’s hand. They are framed in such a way, without saying it directly, that the other parent suffers from pathological narcissism and likely has Antisocial Personality Disorder (propensity to break the law and disregard the rights of others). I had to withstand a lot of abuse and watching my young child abused by the other parent. But now my child is safe with me. The other parent has lost custody and unsupervised visitation rights. And once the other parent is forced into therapy due to their custody and visitation rights being contingent on it, they will do what all people like this do… rage quit therapy and disappear from the child’s life. No parent is better than a cluster B parent.
@Lian
Thanks for responding. Three questions, if you’re willing:
Are you saying that previously undiagnosed mental health issues were validated by the court by showing a pattern of behaviors over years via evidence that you submitted? What kind of evidence was it? This sounds like what I’m going to have to do and I have about 4 years of audio recordings, text messages, emails, letters, et al.
Was the court resistant to the volume of evidence? I’ve heard that judges can sometimes limit what is admissible to the most indicative or important evidence. Was that something you had to navigate?
Was all the evidence reviewed in open court, or was some viewed privately by the Judge?
Thanks so much.
A court or judge can’t point and say that person has a mental illness. You have to show there is a pattern that would lead them to believe there is some “pathological” pattern especially with cluster B. I spent thousands of hours researching cluster B personality disorders first to mitigate the effects on myself then my young child for when I would eventually have full custody. And so I could point out the pattern constantly. Once a court sees there is a problem that isn’t just “they just got upset,” then they will grant the request for a brief focused review (psych evaluation of the other parent) or an evaluation of both parents. This evaluation is done by a clinical psychologist that is trained in legal forensics. Common is a PhD and JD. The evaluator will come to a determination to the court that there is a pathological problem or not. Then that parent is handed off to a clinical psychologist to address the issue through therapy. If it’s cluster B and the parent is high in narcissism, once the clinician holds them to a standard of normal behavior, they experience narcissistic injury then narcissistic rage then quit therapy.
Whatever you submit shouldn’t be petty and should speak to the parent’s maladaptive mental state. But when the other parent does something good, I say that too. The court isn’t a forum to air out a grudge or be hyperbolic. The judge might get tired of this. Mine definitely is. But my goal was my child’s safety, not making a single paragraph read for a lazy judge. Like a false police report, lying to the court, bad-mouthing you to the child, the child saying they hate you when the other parent picks them up, the parent picking up the child drunk, the parent using the child to regulate their emotions, the parent prioritizing other relationships ahead of the child’s needs… The list goes on that a cluster B will do. The trick is to never engage and to maintain a grey rock strategy. Look that up. Never pick up a phone call. Never engage in meaningful conversation. Force all information exchanged through email and text. Cluster B’s fall apart inevitably.
The bulk was through declaration. Because the other parent was so reliably unstable early on, I got them to agree to digital service (via email) and would submit declarations via eFile close to the court date to capture all their behavior since the last hearing. My request was always the same: a brief focused review (psych evaluation) of the other parent. It will become easy. I can draft, file, serve, and file proof of service in about an hour now.
If you aren’t very well-versed in cluster B then watch lectures on it until all you see is a list of patterns when you think about or talk to the other parent. Dr. Sam Vaknin, Dr. Ramani, Dr. Ross Rosenberg. Don’t listen to anyone that isn’t a licensed clinician. Lots of grifters in this space.
Also, you can’t say “this is a narcissistic pattern” or “they are a narcissist” because you are not a clinician.
Also, this may or may not be your issue. It was/is definitely mine.
@Lian
Thanks. I’ve done a lot of this work already. Read dozens of books. Years of research and documentation trying to support my spouse and make the home safe for myself and my kids, as well as get my spouse the help they need.
Yes, now I’m dealing with false abuse claims and separation from the family. My current experience aligns perfectly with a Narcissistic Rage meltdown. Sadly, I’m fighting an uphill battle due to the false claims. This is just one piece of the case, but I’m very glad you’re able to speak to it.
@Chancey
Been there. First time I ever stepped into a jail cell was because of this. In the criminal case, once the case was dismissed, the judge got off the stand and hugged me. I lost years of my life because of this. I’m pursuing other legal avenues for relief outside of the family court. Try to focus on where you want to be with your child. Exercise, eat right, create a strong position for yourself (employment and income) so that when the order comes you take full custody and the rest is history. A plan playing out. I was tortured by my ex. But relative to what I would do for my child, it was just a scratch!
@Lian
You’re describing the past few months for me. And maybe the future.
Never been in any legal trouble, then chaos.
I’m trying to keep everything together.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Greatly appreciated.
@Chancey
As soon as you can, get a restraining order. And stop engaging. You need to become a stoic. Way beyond Rudyard Kipling’s If. You need to force yourself to become unaffected and stronger. The worst revenge against a person like this is indifference and success. If they cause you damages, then file suit. They are playing a game of a war of attrition. You have to make yourself a legal and psychology expert. They can destroy you financially temporarily. But they can’t destroy your mind. For a long time, I went from millionaire to food stamps. Court filing fees are waived if you have EBT. So not even that stopped me.
@Lian
Wow. You sound like me from the future. Very similar.
A psych evaluation is very likely to be ordered. Is this something easy for someone to “perform” through? My fear and assumption is that they’ll manage to slip through using the common tactics.
@Chancey
I had or have PTSD. Abusive partner would be in my dreams tormenting me and my child every night. TikTok videos loop. I would fall asleep to an expert listing their patterns so I would remember in my dreams. For some reason, I couldn’t remember the patterns in my dreams without that.
I would walk listening to music and ruminating about the abuse, moving my eyes from left to right. This is a form of EMDR therapy. It helps the PTSD.
Also, get a clinical psychologist therapist. They can write a letter for you to the court and it’s just healthy.
I’m in my 40s and without steroids or testosterone replacement therapy, could squat 495 without a belt and bench 405 if it gives you any idea how extreme I forced myself to be healthy. I started at 130 on both lifts.
@Lian
Wow. I’m definitely refocusing on work and fitness as well as fighting the fight. Taking care of mental health, et al.
@Chancey
No, not for a cluster B. They aren’t acting bad. They are maladaptive at their core. It’s basically brain damage. The ego has to form from ages 3-12 and if it doesn’t, it’s like a leg that doesn’t develop in the womb. The physical neural network for what would be responsible for the ego, empathy, and self-reflection is not there, physical cells aren’t there.
I can get back to you in two weeks if I remember…