California custody case. I had a child from a previous relationship when I met my daughter’s dad. We separated, and I allowed him to continue his relationship with my other child because their biological dad was not in their lives. We coparented both children. I never made decisions regarding either of the kids without keeping him informed about grades, discipline, and how to handle teenage issues like drinking, sex, and drugs with my son. Our daughter is only 9, so we’re not quite there with her yet.
My ex is moving in with his girlfriend, whom he started dating three years ago. We’ve been cordial, and she has a relationship with both of my kids through my ex. When he first told me he was moving, I expressed concern that the visitation schedule he proposed for our daughter would eliminate his ability to maintain a relationship with my son, who he basically raised. He acknowledged this but said my son (15) has my husband and should understand why he wouldn’t be around as much.
Now we are fighting in court for custody of our daughter because he wants to move over an hour away with his girlfriend and take her, offering me weekends. He is trying to use things against me that aren’t issues (previous substance use from years ago, falsely accusing my husband of domestic violence, etc.). I allowed him to have a relationship with my son because my son still wanted that relationship, even though it was going to change or possibly end once my ex moved.
Then he started playing games. He offered to buy my son a PS5 for his birthday as long as my son contributed to the “gift,” without discussing it with me. I had already told my son that he needed better grades before my husband and I would consider upgrading his PS4 because we didn’t want to give him distractions from school. Then he stopped asking about seeing my son during the times he normally would have him.
We went to mediation, and he included false claims in court documents about my son skipping school and his known marijuana use (we had agreed to handle this with open communication and trying to keep him safe). He accused my husband of abusing my son, and a lot of other lies to make me look like I can’t care for our daughter. At that point, I told him he could no longer have a relationship with my son because I refuse to let him use either child as pawns in his games.
Now we are in trial, and he claims he didn’t fight for his daughter sooner because he was worried about my son’s welfare and how I ended that relationship, saying his fears have been realized now since he no longer has a relationship with a child he considered a son.
His girlfriend made a Facebook post tagging my son, saying how she loves all her “sons” and that “no matter if time, space, or people keep them apart.” I know she wanted me to see it. I know they want me to react, but I won’t. Should I bring this to court to show how they are still playing games with my son after they’ve been asked not to contact him? Or is it pointless because he will claim he cannot control what his girlfriend does? He liked and commented on the post as well.
She also made a post for National Daughters Day, posting pictures of my daughter, and he didn’t like or comment on that post.
I know this is petty, but if it helps my case, I’d like to know. I wasn’t snooping; she tagged my son in the post, and that’s how I saw it. I checked her page and found the other post about my daughter. I have no issue with that post. If she had simply stated she loves these kids or even that she considers him a son, I wouldn’t care. But it’s how she made the comment to imply that I’m keeping them apart. My ex moved before the case is even over and is the one who stopped asking to see my son before I told him not to contact my son any longer.