I’m seeking some advice on my family law situation. Here are the details:
Location: I live in Texas, while my children and their mother (my ex-wife) are in California. Our divorce case is from New Mexico.
Recent Hearing: I recently went to a hearing about both spousal support and visitation. I wanted more time with my kids and a reduction in spousal support. Sadly, neither request was granted. The judge kept the spousal support amount, denied extra visitation, and I’m now facing severe financial issues.
Current Support Obligations:
Child Support: I must pay $1,785 each month for my three kids.
Spousal Support: In September 2023, the judge ordered me to pay $1,060 monthly in spousal support for 10 years, starting from 2020 when we first separated. This resulted in a debt of about $50,000 from the backdated support.
My Financial Situation:
I started my job in November 2023. My pay is garnished at 50%, leaving me with about $950-$1,000 every two weeks.
Monthly Income: Before the garnishment, my take-home pay after deductions is around $3,800-$4,000 each month.
The combined spousal and child support is over $2,800 monthly. After paying the child support garnishment and the $1,060 in spousal support, I’m left with around $1,000 for rent, food, and other basic needs for the month.
Representation: I represented myself at the hearing because I couldn’t afford a lawyer. My ex, however, could hire one (thanks to her parents). The judge kept these high support amounts despite the significant difference between my income and obligations.
My Question:
How can a court order a father to pay more than $2,800 a month in child and spousal support when my monthly take-home pay (before garnishment) is only $3,800-$4,000? After the child support garnishment and the upheld spousal support, I’m left with about $1,000 to cover rent, food, and other necessities.
I have some money in my 401(k) that I could use to hire a lawyer, but I’m worried about losing that if things don’t go my way.
What options do I have now? How should I proceed, and what can I do to manage this heavy financial burden?
Get a lawyer already. Don’t fall behind in child support or you’ll end up with your license suspended. That will lead to more problems that you want to avoid.
Without more details, it’s tough to say. One possibility is that the judge thought you left your old job to manipulate the system and considered your previous higher income when figuring out child support and alimony.
I doubt an appeal will help much (and it will cost a lot) since it’s likely within the judge’s power. Lower your living expenses or find a better job. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but that might be the reality.
Some states take 50%, some take 60%. I mean, if you had the kids with you or even as a married couple, you’re still paying for their care, food, activities, doctors, etc. Not sure what judge allowed them to move out of state. I had a friend who remarried, and her husband got a job in another state. The biological dad didn’t do much for the child, but as soon as he found out she was moving out of state, he lawyered up and the judge said a father-child relationship should be encouraged. Her new husband had already moved, and she had to stay. They were apart for a year, paying for two homes and seeing each other once a month, which was a terrible situation. The bio dad turned out to be pretty difficult and took/didn’t take the kid whenever it suited him.
Thanks to everyone for your input. It’s hard to answer all the questions, but to keep it simple:
-I left my job shortly after our separation for personal reasons, not to lower child/spousal support.
I intended to go back to my previous job, thinking it would be easy to return, but it turned out not to be the case. This situation has put me in a tight spot.
I now work for the same agency I tried to return to but in a lower position with lower pay. (It’s the best I can do for now but I’m still trying to get my old job back.)
Judges based everything off the job I moved from, not the one I quit.
We lived as a family in New Mexico, which is why the divorce case is from there.
After we separated, she took the kids back to where she is from and where her parents live: California.
I now live in Texas because where we were in New Mexico was very close to the Texas border. And I’m now closer to my job and where I used to work.
I think my best option is to talk to a lawyer or consider filing for bankruptcy. After paying child support and spousal support, I don’t see how anyone could survive on just $1,000 a month.
Quincy said: @Kim
Did you know you would earn less when you moved roles?
At my first job, I made the most money.
Around the time of our separation, I moved to a job that paid less.
I worked at that job during the divorce case and ended up leaving that job, trying to get back to my first job, before the divorce was finalized.
I didn’t get back to my first job due to certain hiring steps, which led me to find the best job possible at the time, while trying to get back to better pay and better work.
I finally returned to my first job but was only allowed to come back in a different position with lower pay than my first job and the job I left.
I didn’t leave my second job on purpose to lower my support obligations; I left because I didn’t like the change and thought getting back to my first job would be easy, but it wasn’t. Not getting back turned my life upside down.
We are in a similar situation. We live in California, and my husband’s ex-wife moved to Texas, so we only get them in summer now when it used to be week on week off. We fought to stop her from moving, but the judge allowed it. My husband pays $1,900 in child support, which is exactly 50% of his income, then it took nine months to get a court date because of COVID, so now he has over $10,000 in arrears since the money paid while waiting for the court case didn’t count and the judge said it was a gift. Plus, we pay medical expenses out of pocket and half of all their activities and costs. It’s tough, and we can’t afford anything. I’m not sure why the judge allowed the move, and we have to provide transportation when they come here, so we fly them back and forth, and child support doesn’t stop for the two months they are with us. The system is difficult for parents who want to be involved. Spousal support should not exist, and she should be required to find a job. I hope a lawyer can help you; we’ve tried many times and haven’t made any progress. It’s frustrating.
My job offered legal help that I paid $7 a month for with my insurance. This allowed me many free 30-minute sessions with different lawyers. See if you have that option or can get a free consultation. Be ready if you get one; you want to have time to explain everything clearly and actually get advice.
@Gray
He might need to get some roommates. If he has any equity, he could sell it and use it for monthly expenses. Move back in with his parents. Get a better job. If none of that works, especially if the calculations aren’t based on his current job but one he had before and quit trying to lower his support amount.
I don’t know, but this judge seems 100% not impressed by whatever tricks he tried to pull, and now it’s the find-out part of his tough experience.
I can tell you this much: while not all support and alimony are the same, I make $50,000, my ex makes $150,000, we have four kids, one is done with support, so three are on support. I was a stay-at-home mom for 15 years. I got $500 a month in alimony for 10 years, and he’s paying $800 a month now for three kids. He makes three times what I make, and he only has them two nights a week.
He’s also paying back support it sounds like. Because he didn’t pay any alimony for four years.
@Gale
Why should he have to support your lifestyle? Is there anything stopping you from making the same amount as him? You get $1,300 a month, with three kids who are almost aged out. You could always let him have them more, but then you wouldn’t get as much child support.
@Gale
I get you, but taking joy in someone’s suffering because you feel you got treated unfairly is pretty wild. Like, you accuse him of playing games when he clearly states why he did what he did.
Gray said: @Gale
I get you, but taking joy in someone’s suffering because you feel you got treated unfairly is pretty wild. Like, you accuse him of playing games when he clearly states why he did what he did.
Who’s taking joy?
No one is accusing anyone of playing games. What are you talking about? Did you reply to the right comment?