Fin said:
In California, one parent cannot prevent communication with another parent. Period. Nothing about custody. Check your laws, always.
So I have a question if anyone knows, please help me. I just had a case open for DCFS, and they closed it already; I have 50/50 custody. Her dad refuses to let me talk to her, but when the case was open, they said my daughter had no say in it. Now they got involved again because I tried to go pick her up at school, and this new worker investigating tells me that my daughter has say so. What’s going on? They are playing me or what, because it’s only been a few months and they are saying 2 different things. Can someone please let me know if you know anything? My daughter is 10; the case clears in June. What changed a few months ago?
Reece said: @Brett
What is it your daughter has say in? What are you trying to do that they won’t allow you to do?
Well, I had my daughter enrolled in school. Dad just came to pick her up for the day and never brought her back home. Since the 9th of this month, I cannot talk to her or see her. The worker says that my daughter is upset at me because of what I did at her school, and I asked her what is it that I did. She replied by saying that she heard dad and stepmom talking about me being live on Instagram. Yes, I wanted to document everything and make sure that they are doing what they’re supposed to do in situations like mine. The school didn’t know how to address the problem—sending me to different gates trying to distract instead of speaking to me and letting me know what was going on. I didn’t cause a scene; all I did was protect myself so they could follow protocol. I did because they tend to lie and say I acted a certain way, and I’m tired of all the lies they make up about me. The worker said I cannot record, and I don’t get it why.
I don’t have legal suggestions, but my kids do a 50/50 that’s shorter. We do 3-4-4-3, so we never go more than four days without seeing our kids.
It’s a schedule broken out over 14 days. My ex has them every Saturday night through Tuesday. I get them every Tuesday night through every Friday. Friday night and Saturday are alternated between us. IDK what might work best for you. It might give you more goodwill if you come with a concern and a potential solution that addresses said concern.
And either way, make sure to get communication at the other parent’s house addressed ASAP. It needs to be explicitly written into your order if it’s a problem.
You should definitely ask to modify the order to mandate at least one evening phone call/facetime during each week for each parent’s time. I am actually shocked a judge would do a week-on/week-off schedule without providing for communication. It’s not in the best interests of the child to be completely cut off from each parent every other week.
@Vin
I was also shocked since neither parent requested that schedule. The Judge chewed out my ex bad for another situation in the case. Then granted a new schedule, which just surprised everyone.
Drew said: @Vin
I was also shocked since neither parent requested that schedule. The Judge chewed out my ex bad for another situation in the case. Then granted a new schedule, which just surprised everyone.
Normally judges go with the week-on-week-off schedule when the parents can’t get along. It reduces contact between the parents and friction.
Seems like a long time for a 6-year-old. However, kids are adaptive. They do take their cues from us; if you behave like this is the worst thing ever, she will pick up on that, and it will be more difficult for her. If you act like it’s completely normal and no big deal, she will adjust quicker.
If communication isn’t in your custody order, he doesn’t have to allow it. But I’d meet with my lawyer to see about it being added. Twice a week for a 20-minute period isn’t uncommon at all with a week on week off.
As a maximum time, sure. I wouldn’t expect the kid to actually talk that long. The purpose is really to just ask about their day and say goodnight. Sometimes it’s a lot less. The point is also to have the other parent not grab the phone and hang up. If the child wants to go earlier, they should.
If it’s not in the order to have communication during the other parent’s time, then there’s nothing to follow. You’d need to contest the order and ask for that to be added onto it. Probably not worth the cost if I’m being honest, it’s pretty expensive to appeal orders.
I don’t know if it’s worth the effort to refile. Guessing he won’t be willing to do mediation to get a set call in one or two days a week at a roughly set time?
He’s being very juvenile in this. What does the kid want?
@Jaden
When I pick up my daughter, the first thing she will say is why didn’t I call her. Where have I been? The schedule is very new to her, and she is so confused now.
Drew said: @Jaden
When I pick up my daughter, the first thing she will say is why didn’t I call her. Where have I been? The schedule is very new to her, and she is so confused now.
Is she asking her dad? Asking to call you? So he knows it’s not coming from you but from her?
Can you and your daughter call him together and talk about what would be best?
He sounds unreasonable, so maybe nothing works except a court order. Just trying to think of ways to avoid court. If no, then filing is the only way. But the judge isn’t guaranteed to grant it.
This is pretty ridiculous and inconsiderate. This street goes both ways; maybe it doesn’t bother him to go a week without being OTP or FaceTime, but it should. If he won’t let you call during the week, you can do the same. This should not be a hard compromise.