Looking for advice from people who’ve been through court with grandparents. My partner’s dad is pushing for court-ordered visitation with our kids (ages 5 and 3 at the first hearing), even though one of them isn’t biologically related to him. We cut contact earlier this year because of his constant drama, and we’ve always had concerns about him around the kids.
Here’s some of what’s worrying us:
He’s been emotionally and verbally abusive, not just to us but to my partner his whole life.
He’s always been too intrusive, can’t respect boundaries with us or the kids.
Has a strange fixation on our children – he even wants to change their surnames to his, get their names registered under his nationality, and guilt-trips them to show affection.
My kids feel uncomfortable around him, especially our youngest who cries and clings to me when he’s near.
He once made threats to come to our home regardless of whether the kids were well, and around that time, my car got vandalized.
We’re expecting another baby next year and worry he’ll try to involve this child too if he finds out. None of the kids ask to see him or seem to miss him, so we feel strongly he’s not a safe influence. Does anyone know how likely it is he’ll actually get visitation rights, considering all this? We’re worried the court might overlook our concerns and let him have access. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Not sure about the UK, but where I live, I don’t think he’d get visitation rights with your older child since they’re not even related. He shouldn’t have any grounds for that.
Dacey said:
Not sure about the UK, but where I live, I don’t think he’d get visitation rights with your older child since they’re not even related. He shouldn’t have any grounds for that.
Yes, that’s our understanding too, but he could argue that he had a meaningful relationship with my oldest, even if it was brief. Unfortunately, grandparents can sometimes apply for visitation even if the kids barely know them.
In the US, courts usually only grant grandparents visitation if the grandparents have played a big role in the kids’ lives or if there was an emergency like parents being hospitalized. Maybe look up “grandparent visitation laws in the UK” to see if there’s a similar standard. It’s your right as parents to decide who sees your kids, and the court should hopefully see it that way too.
Reagan said:
Is there an actual reason he’s given for wanting visitation, or is he just pushing for it out of stubbornness?
Good point. Family dynamics like this can be really complex, but it’s important to focus on whether there’s any legal basis for him having visitation rights.
In my state, grandparents can’t file for visitation on their own; it has to be tied to an existing custody or divorce case. The idea is that they’re supposed to be involved only if a parent is blocking access unfairly, not just because they want to see the grandkids. Sounds like in your case, you and your partner both agree that visitation is not in your kids’ best interest.
@Micah
I wish that were the case here. Grandparents can apply for visitation as long as they get court approval first. Sadly, it’s rare for courts to deny that initial approval.
Dexter said:
Can you specify where you’re from? Different places have different laws about this.
I’m in the UK, specifically England. He’s asking for visitation, holidays, and even a name change. He says it’s essential for the kids to have a connection to his heritage, but it’s mostly just him trying to control things.
Dexter said: @Scout
Got it. Has he actually filed already, or is he just threatening? And are you both working with a lawyer yet?
He has filed, and we have a court date set. We’re working with lawyers to prepare everything, though we’re still deciding if we want full representation since we’d have to pay for both sides if he represents himself.
@Scout
Wow, I didn’t know that about UK court costs. Thanks for clarifying, and good luck with everything. Definitely check out UK legal forums too for more insight.
Dexter said: @Scout
Wow, I didn’t know that about UK court costs. Thanks for clarifying, and good luck with everything. Definitely check out UK legal forums too for more insight.
It’s a strange rule, right? Especially when we’re the ones being taken to court! Thanks, I’ll keep looking into other resources too.