Hi y’all…
I’m looking for guidance on how to get joint custody of my son. He’s 8 months old, and his mother has been only letting me see him occasionally. I really want to be a present father, but right now, I can’t do much because I’m not on the birth certificate, and no paternity has been established. When I asked for these things, I was denied.
At this point, I want to take the legal route. Can anyone help me with the steps I need to take to establish paternity and pursue joint custody?
Get an attorney if you can, as it’s really important. The state you live in will affect what to expect. Joint custody means you both make decisions about healthcare, religion, and school. Parenting time is how much time you get with your child.
Since your child is young, don’t expect to have equal time, especially if they are being breastfed. You might be able to spend a few hours (2-3) with your child a couple of times a week, and it may be supervised. Consider asking a parent, grandparent, or aunt to help watch you and your child during this time.
Are you on the birth certificate? Are you paying for support or medical expenses?
Do you have a place to keep your child, like a house or apartment? Have you taken any parenting classes? If not, start some online classes, including Child CPR.
Make sure your child is up-to-date on vaccinations, like MMR, flu, COVID, and RSV.
Consider quitting drinking or using substances right now, and make your home safe for a child.
Having a stable home and job shows you’re serious. It helps if you can provide health insurance for your child and complete parenting classes.
When you go to court, even if it’s on Zoom, dress neatly. Avoid hoodies or caps; wear slacks and a button-down shirt with nice shoes (no sneakers). Make sure your hair and beard are trimmed. You’re basically at a job interview with the judge.
The court will want to see pay stubs and insurance cards. And please, don’t talk down to your child’s mother in texts, emails, or on social media.
Breastfeeding is no longer a consideration in custody. Breast pumps and formula exist. While breastfeeding is usually best for the baby, having consistent, equitable time with both parents is even better.
Mom allowing him or not to see the baby before he’s established paternity and has a custody agreement won’t matter at all.
How will he have to pay child support what if he gets 50/50 and she earns more?
If you want a good chance of getting 50/50 custody, you’ll need a lawyer. Be aware that once you take these steps, she may file for child support, which could mean you have to pay her, depending on both your financial situations. This process can be expensive, especially if she isn’t willing to cooperate. However, the sooner you start, the better it will be for your relationship with your son.