Why not contact her parents directly and invite them to see their granddaughter? They must miss her a lot. Just ignore your ex’s behavior and be the bigger person.
Arie said:
Why not contact her parents directly and invite them to see their granddaughter? They must miss her a lot. Just ignore your ex’s behavior and be the bigger person.
I have already reached out to them, and they know they can come see her whenever they want.
@Lane
That’s awesome.
@Lane
You’re doing a great job. I hope you can figure this out—your daughter deserves some peace. Maybe try listening to Dr. Abby’s podcast, it helped us a lot. Good luck!
You can’t control her behavior, but you can control yours. The best thing you can do is limit your engagement. She can start as many arguments as she wants, but it’s up to you whether you engage or let it bother you. If your custody plan mentions communication guidelines, stick to them strictly. If this doesn’t help, ask your lawyer how to add a stipulation to only communicate through a co-parenting app.
Apply for a modification of your custody order to deal with her harassment. Record abusive calls and messages. If you’re in a state that requires consent, let her know you’re recording. Ask the court to make her use a co-parenting app, and block her on every other platform.
@Parker
After years of dealing with this, even going to court doesn’t always fix it, especially with someone who won’t change.
@Parker
Yes, just keep a paper trail by using a parenting app for all communication.
You could request that she only contact you about matters involving your daughter through a co-parenting app. Also, ask the court to prevent her from contacting you about anything else.
Shai said:
You could request that she only contact you about matters involving your daughter through a co-parenting app. Also, ask the court to prevent her from contacting you about anything else.
Thanks for the advice. I didn’t know about these co-parenting apps. I’ll talk to my lawyer about it tomorrow.
Shai said:
You could request that she only contact you about matters involving your daughter through a co-parenting app. Also, ask the court to prevent her from contacting you about anything else.
You should definitely use a parenting app that’s designed for these situations.
She still has feelings for you, and her toxic behavior is just her way of defending herself. Expecting the drama might help you cope better.
Kirby said:
She still has feelings for you, and her toxic behavior is just her way of defending herself. Expecting the drama might help you cope better.
This is not love; it’s abuse, plain and simple. We should never excuse abusive behavior by calling it love.
Kirby said:
She still has feelings for you, and her toxic behavior is just her way of defending herself. Expecting the drama might help you cope better.
I’ve thought that might be the reason, but this has been going on for eight years and it’s affecting me mentally. I’ve tried talking to her countless times, but she doesn’t change.
@Lane
What about writing her a heartfelt apology letter? It might help ease things even if you don’t think you’re to blame. (Of course, only if your current partner is okay with it.)
Kirby said:
@Lane
What about writing her a heartfelt apology letter? It might help ease things even if you don’t think you’re to blame. (Of course, only if your current partner is okay with it.)
That’s a terrible idea. This is not love—it’s abuse. Don’t try to appease someone who is being abusive, especially when it’s affecting your child.
I forgot to mention that we have a 50/50 custody agreement.
Lane said:
I forgot to mention that we have a 50/50 custody agreement.
Make sure you have proof like video or text messages. Call the police and ask if you can file a harassment report. Only communicate with her by text and let her know why. Get the parenting app approved by the court.