How to Build a Case for Child Custody in a Difficult Marriage?

Family Law Child Custody
1

Hi all,

I’m in a really tough spot and could use some advice. I (26F) and my husband (28M) have a 4-month-old daughter, and things between us have been very rocky since I found out he cheated on me when I was pregnant. He has apologized and has been trying to show that he regrets his actions, but I can’t seem to move on from the betrayal. I found out about the affair last December, but we got married in February 2024.

He suggested marriage counseling, but we haven’t had the chance to go yet because we’ve been busy moving from Texas to Virginia for his military career. I’m currently not working, as we agreed I would stay home with our daughter until she’s at least 3 years old or able to verbally communicate if something is wrong (we both felt strongly about avoiding daycare due to potential safety concerns).

Lately, I’ve been feeling paranoid and have been checking his phone and location often, which has led to arguments. A week ago, we had a huge fight, and he threatened to take our daughter from me and fight for 100% custody unless I move to Virginia with him, in which case he’d be open to 50/50. Financially, I can’t move to Virginia right now, and we both previously agreed that I’d stay home with our daughter.

I’m worried about the stability of our situation and want to start preparing for a custody battle, should it come to that. My husband works long hours (12+ hours a day), and while he has never hurt me or our daughter, he has violent tendencies. He’s thrown his phone across the room, kicked our baby’s bouncer (while I was holding her), and punched our bed frame so hard that his hand swelled. He also had a rough past with aggression, going through multiple high schools and various therapies.

I’m scared that things could escalate, and I don’t want to be caught off guard if he does try to take our daughter from me. I’m already looking for a pro bono lawyer, but I’d really appreciate any advice on how to build a case for custody. How can I gather evidence that he is unfit to have full custody, especially since he’s never physically harmed me or our daughter (though I do fear it could happen if things get worse)?

2

Child lives in TX. File now in TX. Go stay with your family.

3

File where you’re currently living, that’s where the kid’s officially based. He can bounce if he wants, but it’ll totally mess with his custody situation.

You gotta hit the job hunt like yesterday. That deal you had about staying home was only because you were married. Given how old you are, his paycheck, and how long you guys have been hitched, I seriously doubt any child support that gets ordered will be enough to cover your bills.

4

Let him go ahead and move. You can even let him believe you’re going with him right up until the last minute. If you plan on driving your own car with the baby while he drives his, then just chill in TX with the kid. He’ll need to come back to TX to file anything, and he might not want to deal with that if he’s too lazy or swamped.

Make sure you keep track of every aggressive thing he does, especially when the baby is around. And don’t leave him alone with her, just in case he tries to take her to VA without you knowing.

5

If you don’t have a court ordered parenting agreement, then either parent can take the child wherever they want. However, if you file in Texas where you’re living, then that’s the jurisdiction and he’s the one moving away .

6

Great advice… OP, you’ll need to be strong and assertive, and having moral support from any family nearby will help a lot.