My wife and I are planning to divorce in 6 months, but for now, we still live together in a house we co-own. I’m the only one on the mortgage, but she’s on the title too. Our state requires 6 months of separation before a divorce, but we can stay in the same house if we document that there’s no intimacy or much interaction. There are no kids involved.
She has ongoing mental health issues, and despite treatment, it has gotten worse; tonight, she threatened to burn our house down. She said she’d rather not make any money than see me make a dime. I recorded this since we’re in a one-party-consent state.
I think she was just trying to scare me, but she has said multiple times that she wants to make me suffer. Recently, she unleashed vulgar tirades against my family members. She’s dumped all my clothes on the floor because she bought the dresser before I knew her. Now, she’s threatening to lie to get me fired from my job.
Should I move into an apartment to avoid the stress? That’s what she wants, but it would be tough financially since I doubt she’ll contribute to the mortgage anymore.
Since she’s on the title, can I force her to sell the house?
Can I use her pattern of emotional abuse (which I’ve documented) as grounds for an at-fault divorce based on cruelty?
Everyone seems to be giving you good advice here, so I’ll just add one point. Unless I’m mistaken about the laws in your state, nothing should prevent you from filing for divorce and getting some temporary orders in place to protect yourself and your property.
@Storm
Thanks. The only argument against it is she could say she didn’t mean it about burning the house down. But she’s said it twice in a frighteningly calm voice.
Definitely talk to your lawyer about how to move forward—whether it’s a restraining order, moving her out, or hospitalization. I wouldn’t mention anything to her.
Indra said:
Definitely talk to your lawyer about how to move forward—whether it’s a restraining order, moving her out, or hospitalization. I wouldn’t mention anything to her.
First off, threats and emotional abuse are serious issues, both legally and psychologically. Being in a situation where someone’s mental health is deteriorating can take a toll on your own well-being. Chronic stress is something you shouldn’t tolerate, especially with her escalating threats. Documenting everything like you have is wise.
Now, to your legal questions:
Should you move out? Yes, it’s what she wants, but it’s not about her. It’s about your safety and peace of mind. Moving out might be hard financially, but staying in a hostile environment could be tougher emotionally and might put you at risk. Since you’ve documented her threats, consult your lawyer about getting a restraining order or pursuing exclusive use of the home, depending on your state’s laws.
Can you force her to sell? Since she’s on the title, it’s not straightforward. You might not be able to force a sale without a court order. However, in a divorce, the court typically decides how to divide the property, which could lead to the house being sold or one of you buying the other out. As the sole person on the mortgage, you’ll want to discuss leveraging that with your lawyer, since if she’s not paying the mortgage and is on the title, that could create issues for you.
Is emotional abuse grounds for an at-fault divorce? Yes, emotional abuse and cruelty can be grounds for an at-fault divorce, depending on your state’s laws. Your documentation of her verbal attacks, threats, and hostile behavior strengthens your case. She has crossed serious lines, threatening property damage and verbally attacking you and your family, which could harm your job too. Use that documentation to protect yourself legally.
Micah said:
Curious about her illness. What is it?
Clinical depression at least, combined with uncontrollable anger from childhood PTSD. She’ll be fine for weeks, then something minor triggers her. It’s like a switch flips, and she becomes a completely different person—vicious, vengeful, and destructive.