I’ve been divorced for 8 years and have one child who is 11. We have 50/50 custody and placement. He agreed to cover health insurance, and I agreed to contribute a significant amount each month to a college fund for our son.
At the time of our divorce, I chose to keep child support open because I wanted to finalize the divorce quickly, and I thought child support would make him more difficult to deal with. I earn $50K a year, while he makes over $150K.
Seven years ago, he changed insurance coverage and asked me to take on our child’s insurance. I agreed, on the condition that he would contribute to the college savings, which he agreed to. I feel pretty foolish now because I didn’t update the divorce decree and just accepted a verbal agreement. He never made any contributions to the college fund, and I’ve been paying for the insurance all this time while still contributing to the college account. Currently, there’s about $40K in that account.
With rising costs, I’m struggling financially and haven’t been able to make those contributions consistently over the last three years. I’ve told my ex about this multiple times and asked if we could revise our agreement, but he refuses. I’m still paying for health insurance, and now that I have another child, my ex believes this means our shared child gets “free” insurance, which saves him money while I’m still the one paying for it.
Today, I consulted with a lawyer about filing for child support. Knowing that my ex will fight hard against it, the lawyer advised against filing. She said it could take years and cost a lot of money. If my ex requests a vocational assessment or forensic accountant, I would be responsible for half the costs.
I asked about filing a motion to remove the savings obligation since college contributions aren’t legally required in my state. The lawyer said no; the court would likely enforce all the payments I’ve missed and might find me in contempt if my ex chooses to file that.
I can’t afford a lengthy court battle, but he can. He makes three times my income and has no other financial obligations. Why is it unfair that the lower-earning parent can’t obtain child support without the resources to fight in court?
Is it all just a pay-to-play game? Should I just suck it up and find a second job on the weekends to keep paying and catch up on contributions?
****edited to add: My ex agreed to sign a stipulation to remove the college contributions from the MSA, but only if I agreed never to pursue child support. The court won’t accept that. So I can’t waive child support, but it seems I can’t get it either.