Is Child Support Unattainable Without Money for Court

I’ve been divorced for 8 years and have one child who is 11. We have 50/50 custody and placement. He agreed to cover health insurance, and I agreed to contribute a significant amount each month to a college fund for our son.

At the time of our divorce, I chose to keep child support open because I wanted to finalize the divorce quickly, and I thought child support would make him more difficult to deal with. I earn $50K a year, while he makes over $150K.

Seven years ago, he changed insurance coverage and asked me to take on our child’s insurance. I agreed, on the condition that he would contribute to the college savings, which he agreed to. I feel pretty foolish now because I didn’t update the divorce decree and just accepted a verbal agreement. He never made any contributions to the college fund, and I’ve been paying for the insurance all this time while still contributing to the college account. Currently, there’s about $40K in that account.

With rising costs, I’m struggling financially and haven’t been able to make those contributions consistently over the last three years. I’ve told my ex about this multiple times and asked if we could revise our agreement, but he refuses. I’m still paying for health insurance, and now that I have another child, my ex believes this means our shared child gets “free” insurance, which saves him money while I’m still the one paying for it.

Today, I consulted with a lawyer about filing for child support. Knowing that my ex will fight hard against it, the lawyer advised against filing. She said it could take years and cost a lot of money. If my ex requests a vocational assessment or forensic accountant, I would be responsible for half the costs.

I asked about filing a motion to remove the savings obligation since college contributions aren’t legally required in my state. The lawyer said no; the court would likely enforce all the payments I’ve missed and might find me in contempt if my ex chooses to file that.

I can’t afford a lengthy court battle, but he can. He makes three times my income and has no other financial obligations. Why is it unfair that the lower-earning parent can’t obtain child support without the resources to fight in court?

Is it all just a pay-to-play game? Should I just suck it up and find a second job on the weekends to keep paying and catch up on contributions?

****edited to add: My ex agreed to sign a stipulation to remove the college contributions from the MSA, but only if I agreed never to pursue child support. The court won’t accept that. So I can’t waive child support, but it seems I can’t get it either.

In some states, the Department of Family Services can help you.

Consider filing without an attorney.

This situation should have been reassessed when he started earning significantly more than you. There’s no reason it should take years; it’s just a simple calculation, and he isn’t paying his fair share in support. Get a second opinion.

@Ariya
Thank you. It’s validating to see how surprised others are by this. The lawyer I met with was extremely condescending.

@Ariya
You don’t even need a lawyer. You can file with your state child support enforcement office, and they will handle it from there.

How much have you paid for health insurance for just your child? How much are you behind on college fund payments?

Valentine said:
How much have you paid for health insurance for just your child? How much are you behind on college fund payments?

It’s hard to say. I only had my son for the first five years before having another child two years ago. I would say the amounts come close to balancing out.

I’d suggest getting a second opinion. Regarding being responsible for college savings payments, if your ex commits perjury and denies the agreement, maybe. But I don’t see why amending child support should take years. Unless you’re omitting something, he likely wouldn’t have a valid argument.

@Kim
They mentioned he could just lie and deny our agreement, and a text message from seven years ago wouldn’t be strong enough evidence.

If you’re in the U.S., reach out to your state’s child support agency. They can help you file for child support at no cost.

Just file with your state agency.

Your lawyer isn’t doing a good job.

Filing for child support doesn’t cost much or take long. Just fill out the form and wait for the court date.

The state will handle your support case for free. Go and apply for assistance with them, and they will take care of it.

Cade said:
The state will handle your support case for free. Go and apply for assistance with them, and they will take care of it.

You don’t even need to do that. Just open a case with the state child support agency.

How is it fair that the woman always gets the child? Sometimes it just isn’t fair.

Adrian said:
How is it fair that the woman always gets the child? Sometimes it just isn’t fair.

Why do women always have to give birth to the child?

Adrian said:
How is it fair that the woman always gets the child? Sometimes it just isn’t fair.

Actually, men tend to be favored in custody cases.

Clove said:

Adrian said:
How is it fair that the woman always gets the child? Sometimes it just isn’t fair.

Actually, men tend to be favored in custody cases.

Why is that?