Is it common or reasonable for a mother to demand, through court proceedings, that the father have the kids every Tuesday and Friday to Sunday every week, leaving him with only one “weekend” off per month? Even then, it’s not a true weekend off—he still has the kids from Friday to Saturday until 7 PM, so he only gets one full day on a weekend without them.
Meanwhile, the mother has every weekend completely child-free from Friday to Sunday. She also collects all government child benefits, demanded two years of back child support, and expects the father to pay $1,500 in legal fees. She only has the kids for 4 overnights a week (but no full days), totaling about 17 usable hours, while the father has them for 37 usable hours. Despite her minimal parenting time, she keeps all the benefits and still demands more financial support.
Is this a typical arrangement? It seems incredibly unbalanced and unfair.
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I don’t know if it’s fair; I got visitation during temp orders every weekend. It’s great having the kids but it definitely stresses you out since you have no downtime between work and custody since you’re leaving work to do custody exchanges weekly. The hardest part IMO is you’re constantly going into things trying to get the kids back into your rhythm, especially when the other parent has absolutely no structure in their house.
Sounds to me like Mom wants the money and her weekends are free, which definitely isn’t fair. You’re the primary parent if you count actual hours with them. I think a 223 schedule is far more equitable for the parents.
She can demand whatever she wants. It’s up to dad to decide what he will agree to, and if they don’t agree then a judge decides what is ‘fair.’
Visitation is normally measured by overnights, not ‘usable hours.’ If she has 4 overnights per week and makes double what he does, he would not owe child support in most jurisdictions, not sure about Canada.
I’m not sure why there’s any support involved in this agreement if he has primary placement. Never mind, I missed the part where she has four overnights. I believe a lot of courts calculate it based on overnight time. Technically she has more time based on that silly metric.
@Luca
Don’t date a man with kids if you don’t like him spending time with his kids. Your partner sounds like an amazing dad, and he doesn’t need you getting in the middle of his parenting time with his kids. Go bother a child-free man instead!
Stay. In. Your. Lane. Where the kids are concerned.
@Luca
I don’t know what she does during the week, but if you think weeknights mean no quality time, you have never had kids. Managing a full-time job and after-school duties is intense. I spend 5 - 9 doing pickup, dinner, cleanup, homework, and all the bedtime routines. Throughout, the kids are helping and we are bonding. Once finished, I work until I collapse. The next day starts all over again at 5:30 am.
The weekends are the opposite. We sleep in and are generally going between weekend projects, homework, and fun time. Yes, we have more time together on the weekends, but it is unstructured, and there is a lot of independent time involved.
I do not understand your argument that more hours together equates to more support. Do you think the kids don’t eat, wear clothes, need supplies, see doctors, have activity fees just because they are in school? What about the holidays and summer months? Are any of the kids in daycare programs?
Like the others have said, most parents want more time with their kids. I am also sad for them. They deserve better.
