(Long story shortened)
I feel completely trapped by my ex-wife. We were together from 2004 until 2020 and got married in 2007 when we were expecting our first child, who was born in 2008. That year, my mother, who was my only support system, passed away. Our relationship had ups and downs, but in 2015 things started falling apart badly. By 2016, our last child was born, and my ex-wife stopped working and began acting strangely. She sometimes didn’t pay bills, and I wouldn’t even find out until it was too late.
I tried to support my family even after my grandmother, who had given us a place to stay, passed away. I worked hard to pay the bills and take care of the kids, but my ex-wife continued to make things difficult. She would yell during arguments and open the door so the neighbors could hear everything. At one point, her mother promised to buy tickets for us to attend my grandmother’s funeral, but that didn’t happen. Instead, my ex-wife went shopping at Walmart. I had taken bereavement leave, but since I couldn’t go to the funeral, my absence from work turned into unapproved time off, and I lost my job.
During this time, I also found out that my ex-wife had filed taxes using TurboTax without telling me, and she took the entire return. After this, her nephew passed away in California, and she took the kids to attend the funeral, while I stayed back to find another job. We ended up being evicted because our landlord had had enough of our situation. We moved in with an old friend, but my ex-wife began telling her lies about me, accusing me of being a bad person and a cheater. Eventually, we were kicked out of that house too.
CPS (Child Protective Services) got involved because of complaints about her behavior. At one point, my ex-wife even threatened to burn the house down. The police were called, but they said they couldn’t help unless someone was threatening direct harm. Eventually, my ex-wife left, taking the kids, and moved in with the same person she’d accused me of cheating with. She later moved back to California, abandoning us in the process.
A few months later, she told me she had filed for divorce, but I was so overwhelmed that I ignored it. Eventually, her cousin left an envelope on our porch. A year later, I opened it, and it was divorce papers, which also stated she was giving up her parental rights. Since then, she has tried to manipulate the children. She bought them phones and would call them late at night while I was working—sometimes after 11 p.m. or midnight, on school nights. She told my daughter horrible things, like that she would get pregnant, and she even said that I wasn’t her real father. She sent money to my son but not to our daughters, and told the kids that I had taken them away from her.
Recently, she sent a photo to my son of her mother in the hospital with her head shaved, saying it was “a memory of your grandmother.” She even told me that she bought a gun, and I have received death threats. I’m scared for the safety of my children. I want to look into the divorce proceedings, as I had no say in any of it. CPS and child support services have contacted me asking for her address in California, but I don’t know where she lives now. I haven’t spoken to her in four years, but she still manages to contact the kids, and I feel like their communication needs to be monitored.
I seriously need help. I don’t know where to start or what steps I should take to protect my children from her harmful influence. Any advice is greatly appreciated.