My son (7m) was SA’d in the bathroom in kindergarten. It was the school’s fault for letting him use the public bathroom alone when they weren’t allowed. A fellow aged classmate did it. The school didn’t want to investigate it or even get the police involved. They tried to say it was just bullying and cover it up. The school immediately went to the other child’s defense. We took my son to a child advocacy center and they confirmed he was telling the truth, also after a full investigation at the clinic there. The other kid’s parent is a teacher there; they never cooperated, hence the investigation was never completed.
Fast forward, I had my son’s 504 yesterday, and we are in another state now. A current social worker at the school tells me the school is saying my son was the perpetrator and not the victim, and that the police report supports it. My wife and I were shocked because I pulled it again and it still says the same. The other social worker is lying and protecting their school. He is going to be treated as a predator when he has PTSD and other issues from being attacked. I’m so heartbroken and don’t know how to fix this. Is this a case or a lost cause?
You need a lawyer. They’re going to just do whatever they want unless you’re advocating for your son. Unfortunately, you probably should have gone to the police when the school didn’t want to, but at this point, you need a lawyer to help sort things out. I hope you have some amount of documentation to support your side.
@Ember
If all you are trying to do is correct the lie, a stern lawyer letter to the school/social worker with a demand for a written retraction and threat of further legal action would likely go a long way. You should consider whether you actually want to explore legal action given what you have described as gross negligence and slander. These things are harder to prove than people think, but the facts as you have described them are pretty shocking. Sorry for what you and your son are going through.
@Ember
We did go to the police immediately, and we’re the only reason a detective started the investigation. Oh, I have the medical records and therapy and occupational therapy for him. The poor little dude has suffered so much just to be treated like he is a bad kid for being SA’d. He already has SI and is struggling with coping and is scared of school. We changed states for him, and it’s helped some—the new school system is way more diverse for him since he’s mixed race. The school he went to was a charter school that seemed almost political and cultist. I mean he had a great education there and was way ahead, but it wasn’t worth being molested for that and having a school try to cover it up.
@Qi
Well, the current school’s social worker said what the social worker told her verbally. I sent the current social worker the police report we currently have, and she can get it herself. The police report is the opposite of what the social worker said. I lived in a small town, so when we told the school, they immediately jumped in defense of the other child and said he would never do that. They are all connected through the local LDS church and family.
@Charlie
This is speculation and not relevant to the legal matter at hand. But they’re not just protecting the child who SA’d your son.
At that young age, what was the perpetrator experiencing that they would enact that in a school bathroom? It is hard for me to believe that the perpetrator was not also experiencing SA at home or elsewhere.
@Ellery
That’s what I keep saying, but CYFD wouldn’t force the other family to cooperate, and they refused with no consequences. New Mexico sucks for child welfare.
@Charlie
Given the LDS connection, please reach out to Floodlit.org. They have resources specifically dedicated to helping people who have been sexually assaulted and had it covered up by LDS church and community dominance.
You need a lawyer. There may be some pretty serious consequences for the old school lying and defaming your son to the new school, but you will need an attorney to get that ball rolling.
I know people are just saying to get a lawyer, but if you can’t afford that, consider that your situation might be of interest to people doing pro bono work. Typically, crimes against children and sexual violence have legal resources available. I’d start here.
This is an extremely tough situation and I wish you the best of luck.
When talking to a lawyer, see about a civil suit against the school. You said the perpetrator’s parent is faculty, so that means they could have done something about it and that it has probably happened before. You can sue them for damages and the medical expenses for your son, maybe even moving costs. I’m not sure.
Don’t ignore or accept SA events; if any child encounters that as an abuser, it suggests either they’re a victim or exposed to porn. They’re trying to process and work this out. There are studies that suggest part of their brain is frozen in time, which will exist until they resolve this. Fun fact: 1 in 3 will go on to be abusers for the reasons stated.
I’m so sorry to hear what you and your son have been going through. It’s incredibly heartbreaking to see your child being mischaracterized, especially after everything he’s already faced. It sounds like you’ve done everything right by seeking help and advocating for him, but it’s frustrating that the school isn’t acknowledging the truth of what happened.
One thing you might consider is gathering all the documentation you have, including the reports from the advocacy center and any communication with the school. It could be beneficial to consult with a lawyer who specializes in educational law or child advocacy. They can help you understand your rights and the next steps in addressing this situation.
Additionally, reaching out to local support groups or organizations that focus on child advocacy might provide not just resources but also emotional support during this tough time. Your son deserves to be heard and supported as he navigates this, and it’s clear that you’re doing everything you can to protect him. Stay strong, and know that you’re not alone in this fight.
One thing isn’t clear to me. How is the social worker protecting the school by protecting the other boy? What difference does it make to her or the school which boy the perpetrator is?
Penn said:
One thing isn’t clear to me. How is the social worker protecting the school by protecting the other boy? What difference does it make to her or the school which boy the perpetrator is?
Edit: The plaintiff’s parent works at the school. It would affect the school negatively in many ways if they pursued justice.
One student has a legitimate grievance that would make the school liable.
The other is doing retaliation towards the parent only having no grievance against the school. Amnesty and advocacy for the perpetrator, in exchange they, the perp and the family make the school look good due to their internal probe.
The “plaintiff” may come from a family of status or may have more connections also. Only the victim or the parent (OP) can say for sure.