Hi everyone. I’ve been married for 30 years to my husband, who’s a retired Army vet. We’ve been separated for the past six years because he left to live with his now-fiancée. He’s planning to marry her this October. There’s been a history of infidelities on his part, and I’m trying to figure out what I’m entitled to if I file for divorce. We were married in 1994, and he retired in 1997. I’d like to claim a portion of his retirement pay, possibly a life insurance policy with me as the beneficiary, and ask him to continue covering some tax debt and provide $400 a month in support. We also have two adult kids. Has anyone gone through something similar and have advice?
I’m not a lawyer, but I think you’re entitled to a portion of his pension since you were married while he earned it. Do you know how many years he served in total?
Lennon said:
I’m not a lawyer, but I think you’re entitled to a portion of his pension since you were married while he earned it. Do you know how many years he served in total?
He served in the Army for over 20 years, but we were only married for the last three years of his service. Does that matter?
Lennon said:
I’m not a lawyer, but I think you’re entitled to a portion of his pension since you were married while he earned it. Do you know how many years he served in total?
It might. The court usually considers how long the marriage overlapped with his service when dividing pensions. You should check with a lawyer to be sure.
You can probably ask for him to keep paying the tax debt, especially if it’s from when you were together. Are you guys on speaking terms to try negotiating directly?
Rin said:
You can probably ask for him to keep paying the tax debt, especially if it’s from when you were together. Are you guys on speaking terms to try negotiating directly?
Not really. He’s pretty focused on his new relationship, so I’m not sure how much negotiating he’ll do. Any tips?
Rin said:
You can probably ask for him to keep paying the tax debt, especially if it’s from when you were together. Are you guys on speaking terms to try negotiating directly?
Maybe try sending a formal letter outlining what you want. If that doesn’t work, a mediator could help. It’s cheaper than court.
I’ve been through this. If you can agree on terms, it’ll save you a lot of money and time. Have you looked into uncontested divorce?
Leith said:
I’ve been through this. If you can agree on terms, it’ll save you a lot of money and time. Have you looked into uncontested divorce?
Not yet, but it sounds easier. How does it work?
Leith said:
I’ve been through this. If you can agree on terms, it’ll save you a lot of money and time. Have you looked into uncontested divorce?
Basically, you both agree on everything—money, property, etc. You file the paperwork, and it’s done quickly. No lawyer needed if you can work it out.
For the life insurance, were you listed as the beneficiary when you were together? That could be important.
Sloane said:
For the life insurance, were you listed as the beneficiary when you were together? That could be important.
Yes, I was the beneficiary. Does that mean I can ask to keep it?
Sloane said:
For the life insurance, were you listed as the beneficiary when you were together? That could be important.
It depends. You can request to stay the beneficiary in the divorce settlement, but it’s up to the court if he objects.
If you’re nervous about costs, maybe try to handle some parts on your own. But for pensions, it’s worth getting legal advice. A lawyer will know exactly what you’re entitled to.
Hollis said:
If you’re nervous about costs, maybe try to handle some parts on your own. But for pensions, it’s worth getting legal advice. A lawyer will know exactly what you’re entitled to.
That’s a good point. I don’t want to mess this up and lose out. Thanks for the advice!