I’m starting the process of divorcing my spouse, who’s in the Army National Guard. We’ve been married almost 13 years, and she’s served 14-15 years with two combat deployments. We have two kids and live in Oklahoma. I’ve been trying to figure out what I need to prepare—like what documents to gather—and what to expect during and after the divorce. Any advice from people who’ve gone through this?
First off, sorry you’re going through this. You’ll probably want to gather things like financial records, bank statements, and anything showing shared assets or debts. A lawyer can help you sort it out.
@Tan
Thanks! Do you think I should involve lawyers early, or try to work things out without one?
Uma said:
@Tan
Thanks! Do you think I should involve lawyers early, or try to work things out without one?
If you can agree on most things with your spouse, you might save time and money without lawyers. But if things get contested, definitely get one!
You should also know about the Former Spouse Protection Act. It allows the court to divide military pensions. You might be entitled to part of her retirement.
Montana said:
You should also know about the Former Spouse Protection Act. It allows the court to divide military pensions. You might be entitled to part of her retirement.
Oh, interesting! How is that calculated?
@Uma
It’s based on years of marriage overlapping with service. For example, if she retires at 20 years, you could get about 30% of her pension. For reservists, they use points instead of years, so it’s a little different.
For the kids, you’ll need to figure out custody and support arrangements. Oklahoma courts usually aim for what’s best for the kids.
Blaine said:
For the kids, you’ll need to figure out custody and support arrangements. Oklahoma courts usually aim for what’s best for the kids.
Good to know. Do you think joint custody is the default in Oklahoma?
@Uma
It often is unless there’s a reason one parent shouldn’t have custody. Courts like to keep both parents involved if possible.
If you’re going for an uncontested divorce, it’s quicker and cheaper. Just agree on splitting everything and file it with the court.
Nico said:
If you’re going for an uncontested divorce, it’s quicker and cheaper. Just agree on splitting everything and file it with the court.
That sounds ideal. What happens if we can’t agree, though?
@Uma
Then it becomes contested. You’ll both need lawyers, and the court decides. It takes longer and costs more.
FYI, make sure your spouse’s deployment and training schedules don’t delay anything. Courts usually accommodate military schedules, but it’s good to be prepared.
Carson said:
FYI, make sure your spouse’s deployment and training schedules don’t delay anything. Courts usually accommodate military schedules, but it’s good to be prepared.
Oh, good point. So courts consider deployments in scheduling?
@Uma
Yeah, they do. It’s part of the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act. Just keep the court informed about her availability.