[CA, USA] Follow-up On discovered toddler son (19 months) not mine via DNA paternity test. Next Steps?

Seeking Legal Advice Forum
1

HOW IT IS

  1. I just got a DNA test done for my baby girl, and she is confirmed to be mine (2 months old).
  2. My toddler son (19 months) is not mine, as mentioned in my previous post.
  3. I received some helpful advice on how the system works and what to expect. I am trying to do what’s best for my son while considering the legal aspects for long-term stability.

Here’s what I am thinking now:

  1. I am thinking of informing the other man (the biological father) and his wife about the affair.
    • I’m unsure whether I should mention that the child is his, but at least I’d have it off my chest.
  2. I plan to keep my name on the birth certificate as the father and continue supporting my son as if he were my own.
  3. If the biological father wants to fight for visiting rights, he can pursue it in court, and I’ll let him do the legwork.
  4. I plan to file for divorce in a few months, once my baby girl is a bit older, and we’ll figure out custody arrangements then.

My questions and concerns are:

  1. Can I do anything legally to inform the biological father of his alleged paternity? Like sending a legal notice or letter?
    • I want a legal record that the father was informed of his paternity.
    • If the biological father tries to claim visitation rights years down the line, would this letter help establish that he was informed but took no action?
  2. Are there any other legal aspects I should consider?
  3. I’m conflicted about not telling the biological father. While it might be easier not to inform him, I feel like it’s the right thing to do.

Please advise. I’m still in shock from this discovery and my wife’s infidelity.

2

Bryce said:
[deleted]

We are still married and living in the same house, taking care of both kids. I am on both birth certificates. We plan to move back to our home country (India) after the divorce. For now, I’m just trying to figure out how to communicate with the biological father and if I need to consider anything legal before doing so.

3

@Nuri
You are the legal father. If you’re leaving the country, what could he do?

4

Ash said:
@Nuri
You are the legal father. If you’re leaving the country, what could he do?

The biological father is also Indian and working in the USA. I just want to do things the right way, so I’m trying to figure out if there’s any legal action I should consider before informing him.

5

Send a letter to his wife about the paternity and how it came about. He deserves to know.

6

Perry said:
Send a letter to his wife about the paternity and how it came about. He deserves to know.

What’s the best way to send the letter so only she receives it and doesn’t think it’s a scam? How can I make it authentic?

7

@Nuri
Physically hand the letter to her when the husband isn’t home. That way she knows it’s serious and not a joke. Be ready for her questions.

8

Tobin said:
@Nuri
Physically hand the letter to her when the husband isn’t home. That way she knows it’s serious and not a joke. Be ready for her questions.

Or send a registered letter that only she can sign for.

9

@Perry
That could work, but there’s a risk her husband might intercept it. Best to hand-deliver it when she’s alone.

10

Tobin said:
@Nuri
Physically hand the letter to her when the husband isn’t home. That way she knows it’s serious and not a joke. Be ready for her questions.

They both work, so it’s tricky. Should I reach out via LinkedIn or Instagram instead? Not sure how to word it.

11

@Nuri
You could send it to her work address. You can find that info using background search websites, but be cautious about privacy.

12

Until a child is about 5 years old, you’re likely looking at visitation for a few hours per week. You may want to stay in the same home for better access to your son.

13

San said:
Until a child is about 5 years old, you’re likely looking at visitation for a few hours per week. You may want to stay in the same home for better access to your son.

That’s not true in California, where OP lives.

14

@Kingsley
Right, and it seems OP is considering moving to India, where paternal rights might be different.

15

Tobin said:
@Kingsley
Right, and it seems OP is considering moving to India, where paternal rights might be different.

We’re moving back mainly because we lack support here and can’t afford two kids with my wife not working. I haven’t looked into Indian law yet but might return to the US later if things settle down.