Hello, I’m 19 and my partner is 18. We’re wondering if there’s any way we could gain custody of his younger sister in the next few years. Right now, we’re not financially stable, but her home life is really bad. Their mom is abusive; she made my partner’s teenage years miserable and still finds ways to control him even though he’s moved out. Their dad isn’t around; he was abusive to everyone in the family, and their mom treats his brother like a king, but my partner and his sister are ignored and neglected.
The situation is serious. His sister doesn’t have any controls on her iPad and talks to strangers online. Some have influenced her to self-harm, and her mom has done nothing. She’s small for her age, looks way younger, and her hygiene isn’t looked after. Her mom doesn’t believe in basics like shampoo, so she often smells, and her hair is oily. My partner and I want to take her in, but we don’t even know if it’s possible or what steps to take without making things worse by her ending up with her dad.
Should we wait for her to ask for help? Who do we even contact? I grew up in foster care, so I don’t want her in the system if possible. Any advice would be appreciated.
Note: I’ll delete this soon since I don’t want my partner seeing this and acting too quickly. He doesn’t realize how serious I am, and he’s impulsive. Any advice before then would be great.
Do you know the minimum age to adopt where you live, or when a child can choose where to live? Some places let kids decide by 12 or 13. You could look into legal guardianship if not adoption.
Also, maybe get in touch with a women’s refuge about her case.
Try to get stable housing and finish your education quickly (summer classes helped me finish my degree in 3 years instead of 4). See if your school has resources for young carers.
Spend time with her now, she’ll need you. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
@Moe
Thanks, that’s super helpful. Here, she can choose at 14, so we’re hoping things don’t get worse before then. My mom even said she’d help with custody if needed since she did that for us when my dad was unfit. I’ll look into local resources too. Thanks again.
@Ashton
That’ll be tough then. If the dad lost custody in court, only a judge can change it, and it would need to be a really strong case, like if her mom was hospitalized or jailed.
Alton said: @Ashton
That’ll be tough then. If the dad lost custody in court, only a judge can change it, and it would need to be a really strong case, like if her mom was hospitalized or jailed.
We’re keeping track of every sign of neglect. Hopefully, by the time we’re able to take her in, we’ll have enough evidence.
@Ashton
Just be careful. Courts may question why you documented things for years without reporting. If she’s being harmed, it’s best to tell the authorities now. She deserves to be safe, even if it’s not with you yet.
@Ashton
Focus on getting into college, finding jobs, and securing a place with space for her. Building a solid foundation is the best way to ensure she has a safe home with you.
Meanwhile, spend as much time as possible with her. Teach her the basics her mom hasn’t.
@Jane
Good advice. I’m in Australia, so it’s a bit different than in the U.S. I’ve applied for classes but didn’t get in, so my priority now is finding work.