So I had an interesting situation happen yesterday evening. I was coaching my daughter’s flag football practice and I see her mother roll up and a dude I’ve never met before get out of the car with her. My daughter asks “who’s that guy with momma?” And I told her I wasn’t sure.
When practice was over they both came up to me and said that they were married. I just said “Cool good for you” and went on about my night. Then I find out the interesting stuff…
Apparently she’s only known this guy for 2 months and they got married in Utah earlier this week. It’s like her 3rd or 4th husband since we split 5 years ago. No one on her side of the family knew about it nor did anyone in my family. My daughter hasn’t even met this guy.
She then went on to claim that she’s moving out later this month but won’t tell me where she’s going. I’m extremely concerned for my daughter’s safety, I left my old attorney a voicemail about the situation. Currently I have 50-50 with final decision making authority. I’m starting my plans for full custody as well.
I guess what I’m saying is are these the right next steps? If not what should I do?
TL;DR: Ex is getting married to a person she’s only known 2 months and didn’t tell anyone and said she’s moving but won’t tell me where.
Update: Thank you all for your advice. I got ahold my old lawyer this morning and some advice on where to proceed next. I was told which papers to file next by them. I do appreciate all of the recommendations I was given on here.
I hope this constitutes a significant change and you can get a court order change on custody. Very concerning they don’t state where they are going.
Not sure how old your daughter is, but you may want to have a frank and open conversation about strangers and have a code word that she doesn’t share with anyone but you to convey she is in danger.
And buy an AirTag or two. They can’t be washed but if it’s placed in a crossbody bag and in a pair of shoes, may help.
Yes. You need to go back to the courts and revise child custody. What is up with your ex, 4 marriages? Also, she by law has to let you know the address on your child. Please don’t drag your feet on this because… if I were you, I’d do an emergency hearing because she seems flighty and can up and leave at any time. Good luck to you and your child.
OK, lots of bad advice here. Assuming AZ law is akin to WA law, where I practice (and from what I understand, there’s a lot of overlap). So the following is based on WA law. Talk to a local lawyer, though. (Can’t stress this enough).
If she’s moving, this may count as a “substantial change in circumstances” which would warrant a change in your parenting plan/custody order. Hell, even her marrying some rando might cut it.
Use that to modify the parenting plan, and depending on the language in your order, you may be able to withhold visits if she doesn’t tell you where your daughter is going to be. You might also be able to get an emergency order that compels her to inform you.
Do not take self-help action without conferring with a local lawyer. This can just as well backfire as help.
In the meantime, if you have enough info, run a background check on the new husband. She may have found a great guy who’ll turn out to be an amazing stepdad. She may have also found a career criminal.
If you have “final decision-making authority,” or whatever other nonsense you claim to have, then just tell her you are taking the kid full time and that is that.
Cameron said:
If you have “final decision-making authority,” or whatever other nonsense you claim to have, then just tell her you are taking the kid full time and that is that.
Cameron said:
If you have “final decision-making authority,” or whatever other nonsense you claim to have, then just tell her you are taking the kid full time and that is that.
@Fin
Since I’m also sure there is no such thing as “final-decision-making authority,” either, a factual discussion about the law isn’t really relevant here.
Cameron said: @Fin
Since I’m also sure there is no such thing as “final-decision-making authority,” either, a factual discussion about the law isn’t really relevant here.
Definitely talk to your lawyer, but meanwhile… next time it’s your custody time, I would not give daughter back to her until she discloses her new location. Let her take you to court. Also, what if her new husband is a sex offender? You have the right to know who he is.
@Sai
No, what he needs to do is go to the courthouse and put a petition forward halting any move until you go to court. I would also get child services involved, stating your concerns and her mother’s lack of stability and poor choices. She is not thinking about her daughter at all, only her own needs and wants. 4 marriages in 5 years is brutal and completely unstable. Do not put a tracker in her car that can make things easier for her. You can file for an emergency temporary custody of your child until the courts figure it out, and if you are granted it from a judge then you don’t have to return your daughter to her mother, and you are protected legally.
OP, DO NOT DO THIS. Under Arizona Revised Statutes § 13-3016, it is a class 5 felony to place an electronic tracking device on a vehicle without the owner’s consent.
Calling your lawyer and planning on full custody sounds like the perfect steps. I would add hiring an investigator to find out who this guy is. If they got married, the license is public record & he would need to provide ID. You need to run a background check to at least ensure he isn’t a criminal or sex offender.
There are different ways to go about it, and it will all depend on the exact wording of your current order.
The likely steps your lawyer might suggest are first sending her an official letter laying out her obligations in terms of notifying you of any change of address and explaining that 50-50 cannot continue if she’s no longer in the same city, along with the usual threats of legal action and invitation to negotiate in advance if she does indeed plan on moving.
If she were to take the kid away to some new out-of-state location without your permission, then it becomes a major emergency where you both file in court and go get your kid immediately with your lawyer’s advice. Time is essential in those situations.
The more likely scenario is that she’ll move and start asking to see your child less frequently or even disappear for a while until the next break up. It will give you an opportunity to proactively file for more custody, using her move as the significant change that allows you to reopen the current order. If she speaks to a lawyer, she’s likely to file herself asking to relocate with your daughter and therefore have more custody. In that case, you would respond and argue your perspective.