About a year ago, my ex filed for custody. Right now, we’re under a status quo order. Our last hearing was in October, where we agreed on several things in front of the judge. My lawyer told me that once something is agreed to like that, we can’t just back out.
We agreed on:
Joint legal custody
50/50 parenting time
A mutual right of first refusal for childcare
Child support based on my ex’s 2023 W-2 since she hasn’t been working
There were some other smaller details, but I thought we were almost done. My lawyer wrote up the parenting plan that same day, and I signed it. My ex never did.
I’m not sure what all she’s against, but she did say she doesn’t want our child having sleepovers during my time. The way my lawyer wrote it, sleepovers are fine. She’s trying to block that.
Since then, nothing has moved forward. Now I see that the court put a dismissal notice on the case. If nothing happens in about a month, the case will be dropped.
My questions:
Can she just wait and let the case get dismissed? Can my lawyer stop that? Will it be expensive and take up a lot of time?
If she refuses to sign, even after agreeing in court, what happens?
If the case gets dismissed, do the things we agreed on still count, or do we start over?
I’ll talk to my lawyer soon, but I’d like to get a general idea first. Thanks!
I’m a family law attorney, but not your attorney—talk to yours.
Did the judge ask you both directly if you understood and agreed to everything? If so, then signatures aren’t always needed. Your lawyer should get the agreement finalized into a court order. If the other side doesn’t object in time, it can usually be filed without them signing.
If the agreement was read into the record, your lawyer can get the transcript and use it to finalize everything. If your ex is dragging this out for no reason, she might end up paying extra legal costs because of it.
In my state, right of first refusal means if one of us can’t be with our kid, we have to ask the other parent first before leaving them with someone else. It only applies if the parent will be gone for more than 4 hours.
For example, if it’s an overnight, my ex lets me know if our kid is staying at a grandparent’s house. Same for me—I tell him if she’s at a friend’s. No big deal. We also make sure our child doesn’t miss family events on either side, even if it’s during the other parent’s time.
This is how co-parenting should work. The goal is making sure the child has a normal life, not using rules to control each other.
Your ex seems to want more control than what’s reasonable. Be careful with how the agreement is worded. She shouldn’t be able to block normal activities unless there’s a real reason, like unsafe conditions at a relative’s house.
@Lennon
Yeah, I checked with my lawyer multiple times to make sure the agreement wouldn’t block normal things like sleepovers before I agreed to it. I didn’t even want this rule in the first place because I knew my ex would try to use it against me. But I agreed to a version that wouldn’t let her do that.
Now it seems like she didn’t understand what she was agreeing to and wants to change it so she has control over sleepovers during my time.
If you both agreed in front of the judge, it’s legally binding. Your attorney can order the transcript and get the judge to sign off on it. That makes it an official court order.
If your ex tries to back out of what she already agreed to, you can ask the court to step in.
Jory said:
No reason for the case to be dismissed. Talk to your lawyer.
I checked with the court, and if nothing happens by the deadline, they will dismiss it. I know my lawyer won’t let that happen if I don’t want it to, but I’d like to understand what I might have to do to stop that.
Lawyers charge a lot for emails and phone calls, so I try to gather as much info as possible before reaching out.
@Casey
Yeah, if nobody takes action, the case will be dismissed. Someone has to request a hearing or set a trial date to keep it going. Courts don’t like cases just sitting around with no movement.
@Casey
Right, if nothing happens, it will be dismissed. That’s why you or your lawyer need to do something before that date. Like another commenter said, you could have the judge finalize the agreement without her signing.