Fiancé’s Troubling Ex-Fling Had a Baby We Just Discovered—Seeking Legal Advice and Protection in Florida

Seeking Legal Advice Forum
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Hi all,

I’m reaching out because my fiancé (40M) and I (35F) are in a really tough spot, and we’re looking for some advice on how to handle this complicated situation.

Recently, we discovered that my fiancé is the father of a 4-year-old child. The child was born in August 2020, conceived during a fling he had back in November/December 2019—well before we started dating.

We got engaged on March 25th this year, and just four days later, on March 29th, the woman filed for Medicaid for the child, prompting the state of Florida to serve my fiancé with paternity and child support documents. This was a total shock, as she never reached out to him during her pregnancy or over the past 4+ years of the child’s life.

Since then, we’ve been dealing with non-stop drama. My fiancé sought legal representation, and his lawyer filed motions to dismiss or abate the case due to the lack of a paternity test and missing documents in her paperwork. However, we recently received court-ordered paternity test results confirming he is the father, and there’s a hearing scheduled in six weeks.

But this is where the whole thing gets complicated:

This woman has been causing us a lot of distress. She’s been constantly contacting us with demands and threats, stalking my social media profiles (even my professional accounts), and reaching out to mutual acquaintances trying to get to us. She’s also contacted my fiancé’s friends and coworkers, sharing details of the case and threatening to ruin his life. On top of that, she’s driven by our house multiple times, and who knows what else she’s done that we’re unaware of.

For some background: My fiancé ended things with her quickly because of several red flags. She would show up at his house uninvited, go through his phone without permission (even sending things to herself), and she stole cash and valuables from his home. None of this was reported to the police because he made a deal with her to leave him alone, which she honored—until now.

We’re genuinely concerned about what she might do, especially now that paternity has been established. While we feel for the child (who is the most affected by this), we’re worried about having any relationship with them due to the mother’s high-conflict, unstable, and potentially dangerous behavior.

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You may petition the court to require that all communication with the biological mother be conducted through a parenting app. Additionally, you can request that child exchanges take place at a police station to ensure safety. It would also be prudent to seek a Harassment Order or Temporary Protective Order (TPO) against her to safeguard yourself. Should she violate these orders and face arrest, you may have grounds to pursue full custody of the child.

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Instruct your attorney to inform her that all communication must be directed exclusively through your fiance. Also, consider having your attorney pursue a restraining order on your behalf.

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You should seek to establish a court order that prohibits her, or anyone acting on her behalf, from contacting either of you outside of a designated communication app. The court often recommends a specific app for such purposes. The order should clearly state that any form of harassment, threats, or intimidation will be deemed contempt of court. Be prepared to enforce this strictly by filing multiple contempt forms in anticipation of future violations. Consider sending her a picture of these forms to demonstrate your seriousness and resolve in this matter.

1 Like
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Welcome OP to the challenging world of high-conflict child custody.

I recommend she frequent The Proper Person YouTube channel as a valuable resource for guidance and learning.

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I was under the impression that this forum focused on Family Law, not on whether I’m handling this unexpected challenge according to others’ emotional expectations.

Here’s what you should do:

  1. Retain legal counsel (check).
  2. Utilize an app for all communication.
  3. Be direct and concise in your interactions. Remember, she is not your friend, and you have no obligation to engage in casual conversation or negotiation.
  4. Never meet with her outside of a courtroom or a police station.
  5. Install cameras around your home, both inside and out.
  6. Equip your vehicles with dash cams.
  7. Follow all court instructions meticulously and by the book.
  8. Keep a detailed journal of every interaction that occurs outside of the app.

Brace yourself for the challenges ahead. It’s going to be tough, but stay strong.

1 Like
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Fook around, find out…. :joy:

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Given that paternity has been established, your fiancé is now legally bound to this woman for at least the next 14 years. She has already demonstrated a tendency to test boundaries.

The crucial question to consider is whether this is the future you envision. Custody cannot be granted solely based on concerns about her behavior, especially if she has cared for the child for nearly five years without any involvement from Child Protective Services. A judge is unlikely to remove the child from her care under these circumstances. Your fiancé will need to co-parent with her, regardless of personal feelings.

The scenarios you have heard about, and potentially worse ones, are a reality. Consider whether this is the future you want for yourself and for any children you may have. A life filled with stress and uncertainty may await.

Aint saying you should or shouldn’t stay, but it is essential to carefully contemplate these issues before making a lifelong commitment.

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Are there allegations of fabricated stories regarding neglect? It appears that he may not have any desire to be involved with the child, so would these claims even be considered false?

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He has never met the child, as the woman did not inform him of her pregnancy. Therefore, he cannot be accused of neglecting a child he was unaware of.

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@WengersonCooper You are criticizing her for not caring enough about a child she has just discovered exists. Just because this woman is making threats does not necessarily indicate that she intends to harm her child; after all, she has cared for the child for the past four years, which suggests she is fulfilling her responsibilities as a mother.

However, I urge you to take time to seriously evaluate this relationship. This is his child, and he will need to manage interactions with her for many years to come. Furthermore, having a woman who is threatening and stalking you is frightening. If you are considering having children with your fiancé, I strongly advise you to contemplate all these factors before making any decisions about your future together.