If you can get a lawyer, always get a lawyer.
The legal system is complicated, and lawyers are specialized in seeing through moves like this.
Get someone who knows the system better than your ex.
If you leave the house you can get hit with abandonment. You’ll also have a nightmare of a time getting access to your kid.
She’s accusing you of things to get custody and money. You need a GOOD lawyer to figure this out.
Without your wife nagging you, you have ZERO excuses not to be 6-pack-ab-shredded by the summer.
@Val
We’re not married, fortunately, but that’s why I don’t want to move out. She’s not let me see my kid before.
Aza said:
@Val
We’re not married, fortunately, but that’s why I don’t want to move out. She’s not let me see my kid before.
In California, if the parents are unmarried, the mother has automatic presumptive custody. Even if your name is on the birth certificate, you need to establish paternity in court. If you move out of the house, there is nothing that legally requires her to let you see the kids at all.
Get a lawyer. You need to know what she put in the restraining order. Did she include your child? You need to fight it. This happened to my son, and it was awful. If the child is on the restraining order, you can’t see them until this is cleared up, or you will be violating it.
@Colby
Yeah, I got served; she only included herself and only stated emotional abuse.
Get a lawyer and talk to him or her about filing a financial restraining order. IANAL, but my friend is going through something similar and she had all of his accounts frozen and forced him to move out. If it weren’t for the fact that he had some other contracted gigs outside of his normal job, he would have no cash to support himself now. Meanwhile, she’s using the money to get tattoos, piercings, etc.
Lawyer now. Do not pay any more of HER bills.
You need security cameras in case she tries to accuse you of anything worse than domestic violence. Inside and out.
Do NOT move. Record it and call police next time she hits you.
Is the place in your name or hers?
Right now she should NOT do week to week. You can split the week evenly, but they’re not usually old enough to handle week to week till they’re in school.
Most courts favor 50/50, unless there’s a good reason such as distance or abuse. So, if you do move, don’t move too far. Request 50/50 in court.
@Harlow
The place is in her name, but I pay all the rent. The week on and off will work with my current shift work schedule. I do 12 hours rotating day/night, 5 days one week, 2 days the other. Thanks for the advice.
@Aza
How long have you lived in that home/apartment? In most states, staying overnight for more than a specific number of days gives you tenancy rights and she would have to legally evict you. You absolutely do need a lawyer.
@Nico
Yeah, she can’t make me leave; that’s why she filed for a restraining order.
Aza said:
@Nico
Yeah, she can’t make me leave; that’s why she filed for a restraining order.
Don’t leave, but look for a place to move to, though. Once you do find a spot, stop paying rent here. Leave her hanging.
Your schedule may change by the time the kid is in school. But even still, do NOT give up custody to her. Figure something out. Something with a more humane schedule; Jesus, what do you do for a living? Dispatch 911? Or air traffic control?
@Harlow
I’m a refinery operator.
Eek. Was looking to go there from 911, but not if y’all have rotating schedules too.
Lawyer right now! You have a DV petition outstanding as well as custody and child support issues to resolve. Do not try to represent yourself. It will end in disaster.
Caiden said:
Lawyer right now! You have a DV petition outstanding as well as custody and child support issues to resolve. Do not try to represent yourself. It will end in disaster.
Got it.
@Aza
Also, if you have time, consult with multiple lawyers. The first lawyer I hired in my case was TERRIBLE. It seemed like the other lawyer’s lies confused him. He was quite elderly and mostly did family trusts.
You pay the bills. You stay. She can leave if she wants, but just because she doesn’t want you there doesn’t mean you have to be the one to leave. If she’s claiming DV and feeling unsafe, then why would she stay in the home? Get a lawyer before she messes up your life permanently.
@Dakota
It sounds like it’s her house; it’s in her name. OP says he pays the rent, so I’m not sure why it’s in her name only, and I assume he means mortgage. Unless he meant the lease is in her name and he pays the rent. Either way, it sounds like it’s HER house. Don’t know how she plans to pay the rent once he leaves like she wants him to; hopefully, she’s independently wealthy.
You need a lawyer immediately.
One piece of logic is that judges tend to believe accusations of domestic violence by women against men, particularly at preliminary hearings.
You can be forced to move out and pay her enough to cover rent, and you might not be able to afford a place to live for yourself.
After you get a lawyer, stop arguing with her. Just stop. If that means you stop talking to her, fine. Have some discipline and shut up.