For some context, my ex-wife and I share 50/50 custody of our 4-year-old daughter. I’m in the military, and every 18 months, I have to deploy for about 7 months. Our daughter was born here in California and has never lived anywhere else.
My ex wants to move her closer to her new partner’s family, about 6 hours away. Our daughter is set to start school this August, and I’m deploying in April, so she wants to move around July.
My ex has a strong support system where she wants to move and is also pregnant with our daughter’s future sibling.
She asked me several times about the move, and of course, I said no. Now she’s filed with the court, and we have a date set for two weeks from now.
Neither of us is getting lawyers. I know I can’t afford one. All things considered, what are my chances of keeping my daughter close to me? (Again, it’s just an in-state move, about a 6-hour drive away.)
You should definitely talk to your command and JAG for any help available. As a military parent, you might not be able to move more than 6 hours away even during your time off, unlike a civilian parent.
Even if you can’t afford a lawyer, I’d suggest at least consulting with one or getting help from legal aid. This decision is going to affect your relationship with your daughter long-term.
If she moves 6 hours away, it could severely impact the time you get to spend with your child. Week-on-week-off won’t work during school time, and driving such a long distance for visits could be tough on a young child. Plus, you’ll have extra transportation and accommodation costs if you want to visit. Your child support might increase too due to fewer overnights.
You also won’t be able to attend her medical appointments, school events, or extracurriculars easily. And if she moves that far away, your ex might eventually move even farther without much difficulty.
Since you’ll be deploying often, and she has family support where she wants to move, the court might side with her.
It might be worth trying to work out an agreement with your ex where you can still see your daughter as much as possible—maybe during school holidays, summer vacation, and some weekends where you fly out to see her. The court might not agree to that, but they’re unlikely to keep your ex from moving if you’re often deployed.
What does your current custody agreement say? What was it supposed to look like once school starts? Are you managing to actually have 50/50 time despite your deployments? That’s going to make a big difference.
I was granted a relocation with my ex pretty easily. He wasn’t following a 50/50 schedule, I had a better job and support by moving. We were both military, and my daughter had stability with me.
We’re doing week on, week off right now. I’m not sure how it will change when she starts school. I’m worried they’ll grant the move because our daughter always wants to be with her mom.
Are you sticking to the 50/50 plan? If you’re really consistent with it, they may not grant the move. If you’re at all inconsistent, though, the court will likely approve it.
I’m not a lawyer, but I went through court for my own case and also helped a coworker fight for custody. In both cases, no matter how much we showed the benefits of moving, we couldn’t do it without the other parent’s permission.
Judges usually try to keep things stable for the child and avoid disrupting their routine. I’ve seen cases where one parent wanted to move in-state, and even that wasn’t allowed.
You should look at it from a human perspective too. Will your child be better off with the move, especially since you’ll be deployed a lot? Can you get more time with her when you’re not deployed? Is the 6-hour drive or flight a big deal for you?
In my own case, I eventually got permission from my ex to move. We adjusted visitation so the kids spent all school breaks and the whole summer with him, at my expense.
Your ex might try to use your deployment as a reason to move, saying she’s ‘alone.’ But if she’s been managing since your daughter was born, the court won’t see it as a valid reason to move.