To give you the basics: I thought my boyfriend was the father of my child, and he moved in with me into my one-bedroom apartment. Before him, I was in a relationship where I took a pregnancy test, and it was negative. I ended that relationship for good reasons, and my current boyfriend seemed to be in a tough spot, so I ended up being with him. He seemed to need help and made me feel sorry for him. But through all of this, my boyfriend had the option to take a paternity test. When we were at the hospital, he could have done it, and even when our baby was younger, he joked about it. I said we could take a test if he wanted, but he never did. At that time, I had no real concerns about the paternity. Now that the baby is almost two, I notice that he doesn’t really look like my boyfriend. I see more resemblance to my ex, and I think it’s time to ask my boyfriend to take the test. I also want him to move out, but I’m scared for both my child and myself because of past violent moments. There were three instances when he acted in ways that made me nervous about him. One time, he drove fast to scare me, another time he yelled and broke his computer outside, and once, he sat at the kitchen table with a gun beside him. He apologized for these actions, but I can’t ignore the fear. On top of that, he and his family have sent three of his younger siblings to stay with me, and they’ve caused problems. They’re too old to be living with us, and it’s making everything worse. I’ve also had a lot of financial struggles since he moved in. He promised me I could stay home and take care of the baby while he would get a 9 to 5 job, but he lied. He kept driving my car to Uber, damaging it, and not making enough money. I need that car to work and support my child. He doesn’t want my baby to go to daycare or get shots, and I don’t feel safe with him around my baby. I’m in debt and can’t afford to move right now, but I really need things to change. On top of everything, my ex told me he’s proposing to someone else, and he doesn’t want to know about the baby if he’s the father. I’ve told him that if my baby is his, I just want him to know and be involved in his life. Now, I need help. How do I get the paternity test done and get everyone out of my place without putting myself or my child in danger?
You definitely need that paternity test to figure out your next steps. If the baby turns out to be your current boyfriend’s, things could get more complicated for you. But if the baby’s your ex’s, you could cut ties with your current boyfriend and potentially get child support from your ex if that’s what you want.
I think you should prioritize getting a job, removing your boyfriend and his family from your apartment, and then worry about the paternity test later. Your child needs to be in a safe place, and you also need to figure out a safe daycare option—maybe check if there’s any help for that. It’s also a good idea to look for jobs that don’t require you to drive, so you’re not dependent on him and his car. The domestic violence services can help you get your boyfriend and his siblings out of the apartment. If you want, maybe offer to put the car in his name and refinance the loan to make it easier for him to leave. You should handle the paternity test when everything is safe first.
It really sounds like your boyfriend is showing abusive behavior. You should reach out to a domestic violence organization to help you get him and his family out. A safer exit strategy needs to be your priority. If the teenagers are still minors, CPS might be able to help remove them, but that would be safer after you’ve gotten a protective order from your boyfriend. You should get a paternity test from both him and your ex. Get a lawyer to handle this so they both take the test, and don’t feel bad about it—your child deserves to know who his father is, and the court can help with child support.
You didn’t mention whether your boyfriend signed any birth paperwork. If he did, then legally, he’s the father, even if a paternity test says otherwise. You should check if the time to dispute paternity has passed—there could be a deadline. Honestly, this situation sounds like you need to end the relationship with him, whether or not the baby is his. I don’t know about your housing situation, but you need to think about your living arrangements and figure out how to move forward, and then deal with the family court later.
@Shan
I don’t think she was misleading on purpose. She truly thought he was the father until recently, so there was no intention to deceive.
@Shan
In Texas, if a father never signed the Acknowledgment of Paternity, then no paternity is legally established, even if he’s been listed on the birth certificate. If that’s the case, you can have a paternity test without worrying about any legal paperwork.
Did your boyfriend sign a voluntary affidavit of paternity? If so, even if he’s not the biological father, he’s still considered the legal father. A paternity test may not change this. As for him moving out, who owns the house? It’s unclear if you have the right to evict him. If he’s been violent, you should definitely call the police or contact a domestic violence shelter for advice on how to handle the situation. Don’t let this be a paternity issue alone—his behavior is a bigger problem.
There are ways to get a DNA test without involving your boyfriend directly. You can get hair from his pillow or hairbrush and do your own test. As for the teenager issue, CPS might be able to help remove them, but you should really reach out to them. I also want to mention the pregnancy test with your ex—sometimes the timing of the test can affect results. It’s possible that you were pregnant but the test didn’t detect it, or it was too early. As for your baby’s paternity, you might want to check if he was born prematurely or if there were any complications.
I’m not a lawyer, but from my experience, contacting a domestic violence hotline should be your first step. They can help you create a safe plan and might even assist you in getting a protective order. This sounds a lot like what I went through, and I was granted a protective order by the court. If you get a protective order, that will remove your boyfriend and his family from your home. As far as the paternity, it seems unlikely that your ex is the father, but I know this is a really tough situation.
Please, reach out to a domestic violence hotline. They can help guide you through this safely.
Thehotline.org should be your first step. They can help you with all the resources you need, and help you plan for your safety before doing anything else.