My ex walked out on me and our son a few months ago after he lost his job. He was staying with his mom, but she kicked him out, and now he’s homeless. He hasn’t reached out, hasn’t checked on our son, nothing. I’ve always been the one taking care of everything, and I can handle things, but some extra help—especially for medical—would make things easier. But I don’t want them to put him on child support. He already owes for his other kids, and with no job, I doubt he’d be able to pay anyway.
If you apply for TANF, they’ll most likely make you open a child support case if you haven’t already. They work with the Office of Child Support Enforcement to get back the money they pay out to you.
They’ll take his tax refunds, garnish wages if he gets a job, suspend his driver’s license, and even flag his passport. The state isn’t just giving out free money—they’ll go after the other parent to get it back.
@Milan
Not always true. Some states allow you to claim ‘Good Cause,’ meaning you can explain why child support shouldn’t be pursued—like if there’s a history of abuse, threats, or other valid reasons. If they approve it, they won’t force a case.
I live in upstate NY, and I was denied help because my child’s father wasn’t paying child support. He straight-up told me he’d rather sit in jail than pay. Whether you want to or not, child support is about making sure your kid gets what they need. In NY, support goes through family court unless you’re divorced, then it’s handled in divorce proceedings. Either way, they don’t let it go—you have to pay until the kid turns 21 unless they move out at 18. And if payments stop, you can file a violation, and they’ll send him to jail.
Why keep having kids with someone who won’t support the ones they already have? Every child has the right to be taken care of by BOTH parents. It’s not about what you want.
Wait, so your child’s dad already has two other kids he doesn’t support? And now he’s doing the same to your child? Why even get with someone like that? This guy doesn’t take care of his own kids.
Finnian said:
Wait, so your child’s dad already has two other kids he doesn’t support? And now he’s doing the same to your child? Why even get with someone like that? This guy doesn’t take care of his own kids.
When we were together, he had a job and was paying child support. He was involved with his kids. Everything changed after he lost his job. He started taking his anger out on me, our son, and even my dog. I told him to stop, he got mad, and he just left.
Why would you not take the help your kid is entitled to just to protect a deadbeat dad?
If you qualify for benefits, that means you need them. Don’t let your kid struggle because of your ex. Do what’s best for your child.
@Kieran
My son has everything he needs. I have him on my insurance, I pay for everything—doctor visits, food, clothes, medicine, all of it. I even went back to work a week after giving birth because my job didn’t offer paid leave. My son isn’t missing out on anything.
@Drew
That’s not something to be proud of. You had to go back to work right after having a baby, and you’re paying for everything alone when his dad should be helping? That’s not ‘handling it’—that’s struggling. Your kid could have a better life if both parents were providing like they should.
@Kieran
She can’t force him to work. If he has no income, there’s nothing to take. So what’s the point of fighting for child support if there’s nothing to collect?
Cleo said:
@Kieran
She can’t force him to work. If he has no income, there’s nothing to take. So what’s the point of fighting for child support if there’s nothing to collect?
Because if he ever does get a job, it’ll catch up to him. He shouldn’t just get to walk away while she does everything.
@Kieran
It’s wild how people act like child support is some crazy demand. It’s literally just making both parents do their part. He helped make the kid, he should be paying SOMETHING.
Why are men never held accountable? They create these situations and then get to just disappear, while everyone else—especially the kids—pays the price. That’s messed up.
Hayes said:
Why are men never held accountable? They create these situations and then get to just disappear, while everyone else—especially the kids—pays the price. That’s messed up.
I don’t see it as ‘letting him off.’ I just don’t see the point in fighting for money that isn’t there. If he doesn’t have a job, what is there to take? I’d rather focus on working and taking care of my child myself.
@Drew
But then you’re expecting other people (taxpayers) to cover what he should be paying. Why should strangers help when the actual father isn’t being made to do his part?
@Drew
Your kid deserves support from BOTH parents. Why should you have to work more while he gets to just disappear? He is responsible for that child just as much as you are. Child support is the bare minimum.
@Yan
It’s not like I haven’t tried. I’ve reached out to him multiple times about our son. He won’t even answer.
Yeah, they’ll probably make you file for child support.
They might try, but that doesn’t mean he’ll actually pay.
If he already owes for his other kids and hasn’t paid, what makes you think he’ll start now?
I’ve been in this situation. My child’s father hasn’t paid child support since my kid was 4. The case has been open since he was 1, and my son is 13 now. He’s avoided being served, and even when they caught him, he barely paid anything. Eventually, they closed my case, and now he doesn’t even have to pay anymore unless I can afford a lawyer, which I can’t.